Archive for the ‘Hudson River’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Say a Mouth­ful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can’t be Face­book friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to bud­dies in the pass­ing Sky­fari car: Yo, that build­ing over there… That’s the build­ing where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Sky­fari, Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Ste­fan Yonker

Young man, dis­mis­sive­ly: I could fuck­ing suck cocks for a liv­ing, it does­n’t mat­ter!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Mid­dle school­er, wrestling in Aids memo­r­i­al: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: Ni­na & Phil

Mid­dle-school girl to moth­er: My e‑mail pass­word is “blowjob”.

–L Train

Read My Lips, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl on cell: No I’m not bring­ing any­thing, this is not a date, it’s 10 o’­clock on a Fri­day night. I’m bring­ing my vagi­na, that’s what I’m bring­ing.

–Court St & 2nd Place

Girl on cell: I mean, there’s noth­ing ob­vi­ous­ly wrong with my vagi­na!

–23rd & 7th

Girl on bike: I feel like I’ve had a pen­cil up my vagi­na for 10 hours!

–Hud­son Riv­er Bike Path

Dis­traught NYU stu­dent: I’m cov­ered in vagi­nal cream.

–NYU Dorm, Union Square

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Fuld

Hur­ried young guy on cell: Well, you can’t just sniff any­one’s vagi­na!

–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave

Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Liz

Wan­na Buy a Bridge, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brook­lyn fa­mous for its graf­fi­ti?

–Coney Is­land-bound D train

Over­heard by: BB

White guy, point­ing: Over there in Brook­lyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!

–De­lancey & Es­sex

Over­heard by: Red Hair

Guy walk­ing through bar: What’s with Brook­lyn and beards?

–Union Hall, Park Slope

Over­heard by: ja­son­ja­son

Guy: Brook­lyn is the mid­dle bor­ough in terms of good­ness.

–Kosher De­light

Thugette to dou­ble deck­er tour bus: Brook­lyn! Brook­lyn! You’re tak­ing a tour of Brook­lyn! I just got out of jail!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Stay­ing on the bus.…

Shall We Con­sult Our Bi­ol­o­gy Text­books?

Guy, look­ing at his­toric build­ings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there’s a lot of things that schools did­n’t teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew in­to my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It’s squirm­ing around in there. It’s re­al­ly un­com­fort­able. I don’t know what to do about it.

–Gov­er­nor’s Is­land

Over­heard by: Kevin

Kids Say the Darn­d­est Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sev­en-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, scream­ing: Peace out, smok­ers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my au­to­graph?

–Play­ground, Hous­ton St, So­ho

Lit­tle boy with bro­ken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: skep­ti­cal james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flush­ing Play­ground

Six-year-old girl wait­ing for par­ents to pay the check, chant­i­ng: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chi­nese Restau­rant, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Kendra

Lit­tle boy walk­ing to­wards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we go­ing to get through all of this?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I got­ta feel­in… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Over­heard by: wooohoooo

Lit­tle girl, in Cro-Magnon sec­tion of mu­se­um: Mom­my, you must have known these peo­ple. They look like you!

–Amer­i­can Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Hooked on Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it’s “Yid­dish”! “Yid­dish,” not “rib­bit.”

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: rag­n­vaeig

20-some­thing girl to old­er friend: No, no… “ghet­to” is just slang–it’s not a re­al word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pa­cif­ic St & At­lantic Ave

Over­heard by: jay­loo

Guy to an­oth­er, who has ob­vi­ous­ly caused him some emo­tion­al strife: I just don’t un­der­stand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Teenage boy: But I ain’t know where was them talkin’ about it! (teenage friend nods sym­pa­thet­i­cal­ly)

–Down­town 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers On­ly a Moth­er Could Love

Woman to an­oth­er: I mean, about the thing… he is ug­ly but at least he get it up!

–Abing­don Square Park

Man to friend: Ug­ly peo­ple aren’t peo­ple!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I could­n’t deal with the pa­parazzi. I once saw a pic­ture of Katie Holmes with a pim­ple, and now I think she’s the ugli­est per­son I ever saw.

–Gov­er­nors Is­land

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Girl to guy friend: I can­not be­lieve you vol­un­teered me like that! I’m go­ing to start vol­un­teer­ing you to peo­ple… un­at­trac­tive peo­ple. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Michael O’­Con­nor

Bus dri­ver on packed bus: Okay, every­body, we need to re­or­ga­nize the bus. Can all the good-look­ing peo­ple move to the back of the bus, and all the ug­ly-look­ing peo­ple move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Over­heard by: Michael

Tour De Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fat tourist: Ex­act­ly, like, I know Dis­ney triv­ia, but of course I don’t know gen­er­al triv­ia.

–El­lis Is­land

Over­heard by: Cat

Fe­male tourist with Irish ac­cent, read­ing leaflet: Jaysas lads, it on­ly took them 14 months to build this, I won­der if it’s okay like.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: joanie

Tourist gaz­ing up at the Em­pire State Build­ing: They sure could fit a lot­ta hay in there!

–Out­side Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: Dup­py

Tourist: Where do they keep the ceme­ter­ies around here?

–Next to St. Paul’s Cemetery/Church

Fe­male tourist: Oh my god, I can’t be­lieve we’re on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Court­ney C.

Overzeal­ous British tourist fa­ther, point­ing at map: Okay, every­one. We’re pass­ing by Madi­son Square Gar­dens. They must be love­ly at this time of year. We’re on the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in Lon­don. We’re go­ing to get off at Rec­tor Street. It’s the last stop be­fore Brook­lyn, so if we miss our stop, we’ll be in Brook­lyn, and we don’t want that! Look, now there are no more num­bers. When there are no more num­bers in the sta­tion names, that means we’re at the bot­tom of the un­der­ground. Oh, look, it’s Chi­na­town. This is where all the ori­en­tals get off.

–R Line

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on is one of those Ori­en­tals…

Fe­male tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my ho­tel room and take a shit.

–Canal St