Archive for the ‘Hunter’ Category

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Hip­ster wait­ress to an­oth­er: Camel toe is like, re­al­ly hot, but al­so re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.

–Williams­burg

Col­lege guy to friend: Dude, I’d def­i­nite­ly date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Stephen

Pro­fes­sor: Wel­come to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s ei­ther too hot or too cold.

–City Uni­ver­si­ty of New York

Lati­no girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’­ma comb my hair!

–Amer­i­can Ap­par­el

Male pro­fes­sor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, noth­ing’s go­ing to hap­pen!

–New York In­sti­tute of Tech­nol­o­gy

Over­heard by: Not Brad Pitt

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Mold­ing Young Minds

Eng­lish teacher: Class, I’d like you to re­mem­ber where the line is. It is al­ways mov­ing, and it is de­ter­mined by me.

–Bronx Sci­ence

Over­heard by: HJWC

Eng­lish teacher: I rose up in­to the air and flew out the win­dow… You did­n’t no­tice this?

–Hunter Col­lege High

Over­heard by: stu­pid eng­lish stu­dent

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this class­room, and I am com­plete­ly se­ri­ous. Num­ber one, no swear­ing. Num­ber two, no scuf­fles. Num­ber three, no sex un­til 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bath­room stall graf­fi­ti! My fa­vorite from this school is in the third floor bath­room: ‘If you can read this, you are poop­ing.’

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Teacher to an­oth­er: You are a he­m­or­rhoid in my ass.

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symp­tom of sui­cide.

–Hunter Col­lege High

Eng­lish teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay at­ten­tion. You might learn some­thing.

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Julie

A Valiant Knight on a Mapquest

Guy: Do you go to FDU?
Girl: No, I got to Hunter. It’s in Man­hat­tan; have you heard of it?
Guy: No, but where is it?
Girl: Do you know the city?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: 68th and Lex­ing­ton.
Guy: That’s near the Vil­lage, right?
Girl: No, it’s on the Up­per East Side.
Guy: Oh. Well, I usu­al­ly hang out in the Vil­lage. Down by Av­enue A and Av­enue B.
Girl: Um.

–A train

Over­heard by: Brown Eyed Girl