Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

It Only Got Worse When She Whipped out an Abacus

Lady #1: That’s cute. [Gesturing to jungle-print stretchy book cover.] Where’d you get it?
Lady #2: The 99-cent store.
Lady #1: How much was it?

Headline by: peetower

Runners-Up:

· “And what did it cost to install it?” – Jerry Jeff

· “Green.” – sandie

· “The same as one of your “services”” – Numerica

· “There are three kinds of people in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” – Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, really?” – Rionn Fears Malechem


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The Advance Scout from Planet X Blows Its Cover

Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?

–A train

Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice

Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry

TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?

–Montefiore Medical Center

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:

· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi

· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie

· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth

· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella


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