Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Does Psy­cho Killer Start with P?

Girl: I’m think­ing of an an­i­mal that starts with a P.
Guy: Por­cu­pine?
Girl: No. Wait, are those big smears of blood all over that sub­way map?
Guy: I think they’re paint.
Girl: They’re to­tal­ly blood.
Guy: [looks hard­er] Yeah, you’re to­tal­ly right… Pen­guin?
Girl: Nope!

–1 train

Over­heard by: djlindee

And, by the Way, ‘Gram­mat­i­cal­ly Cor­rect­ly’ Is Need­less­ly Re­dun­dant

Bel­liger­ent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be try­ing!
Bel­liger­ent white woman: You should speak gra­mat­i­cal­ly cor­rect­ly!
Smar­tass: “I be try­ing” is­n’t un­gram­mat­i­cal. It’s stan­dard us­age in African-Amer­i­can ver­nac­u­lar Eng­lish.
Bel­liger­ent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smar­tass: I have a Ph.D. in lin­guis­tics from MIT.

–A train

That’s Not Re­al­ly By Choice, Fat­tie

Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are ma­ter­ni­ty clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Ma­ter­ni­ty Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There is­n’t go­ing to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that!

–Ma­cy’s