Guy #1: Dude, let’s go see Fiddler on the Roof. I heard it’s sick.
Guy #2: Oh, that’s the sequel to The Wizard of Oz, right? With the witch of the East… Right?
Guy #1: Let’s go get high.
Guy #2: Okay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Darius Izad
Guy #1: Dude, let’s go see Fiddler on the Roof. I heard it’s sick.
Guy #2: Oh, that’s the sequel to The Wizard of Oz, right? With the witch of the East… Right?
Guy #1: Let’s go get high.
Guy #2: Okay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Darius Izad
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
Doorman: Where is the building you’re looking for?
Lady: It’s on 40th.
Doorman: 40th and what?
Lady: I’m almost positive they said between Sixth and Avenue of the Americas.
–40th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: conor hogan
Woman #1: She had been dating him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a reality dating show last night. Now she’s going break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed before they were dating. You know, sometimes those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were going out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least mentioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dating show”?
–Duane Reade, 52nd between Madison & Park
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Girl: I’m thinking of an animal that starts with a P.
Guy: Porcupine?
Girl: No. Wait, are those big smears of blood all over that subway map?
Guy: I think they’re paint.
Girl: They’re totally blood.
Guy: [looks harder] Yeah, you’re totally right… Penguin?
Girl: Nope!
–1 train
Overheard by: djlindee
Man: What? Little Richard isn’t gay, is he?
Lady: No, he isn’t gay. Isn’t Little Richard’s daughter Nicole Richie?
–Video store, 14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Such a pretty me baby!
Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.
–A train
Crazy guy gasps: Help! [No one moves.] I said, ‘Help’!
Chick on cell: He said, ‘Help.’
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Nicole
Sorority girl #1 texting on cell: I hate how words can sometimes spell other words.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, I know.
–NYU
Guy #1: Did you hear they’re gonna still have Mardi Gras this year in New Orleans?
Guy #2: Man! I should have known. Those sorts of things always go on, come Hell or high water.
Guy #1: Yeah. I think it’s gonna be both in this case.
–M31 bus
Overheard by: Blake Royer
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist