Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome?
–Convent of the Sacred Heart
Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl
Guy #1: Hey, where are you going?
Guy #2: To the vet.
Guy #1: Where?
Guy #2: The veterinarian.
Guy #1: Oh, are you still sick?
–Koronet Pizza
Girl #1: It's called “foot and mouth disease,” isn't that gross? I so don't want to get that!
Girl #2: Ewww! What is it?
Girl #1: I don't know, but it sounds disgusting!
–M Train
Overheard by: Dara
Teen #1: That's nasty, dude, she had strep throat last week. If you made out with her, you're totally gonna get strep throat.
Teen #2: Oh, fuck…can somebody get strep dick?
–N Train
Overheard by: -bill
Teen fan #1 (in line to see Cobra Starship): It's freezing! When are they going to let us in?
Teen fan #2: I know, right? I'm going to get leukemia it's so cold!
–W 16th St
Teen girl to friend: My mosquito bites hurt so much!
Friend: Mine too! I think I have malaria!
Teen girl: You don't have malaria.
–Grand Central
Jacked gay guy #1: I’m feeling a little sick.
Jacked gay guy #2: Have you been eating enough?
Jacked gay guy #1: Well…I think so?
Jacked gay guy #2: Whenever I feel like I’m getting sick, I eat a lot. I just stuff myself like a pig. That way I’m making sure I get in all my nutrients.
Jacked gay guy #1: Oh, yeah, that’s a really good idea!
–Saigon Grill
Overheard by: i’ll have what they’re having…
20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!
–59th St & 11th
Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.
–Grand Street Stop, D Train
Overheard by: Justin W
Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!
–Port Authority
20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: RedShikari
English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: HJWC
English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: stupid english student
Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.
–Grace Church School
Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’
–Bard High School Early College
Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.
–Hunter College High
English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.
–4 train
Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.
–16th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: C-Star
30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.
–Spring & Lafayette
Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster
Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Shane
Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!
–D train, 36th St atation
Overheard by: Jon A.