Archive for the ‘India Indians’ Category

Go­ing to the STD Clin­ic (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

In­di­an chick: So I was watch­ing VH1 and it was a show about child stars. You know, Drew Bar­ry­more, Jodie Fos­ter–
Asian chick: What? Jodie Fos­ter was a child star?
In­di­an chick: Yeah. She was a child pros­ti­tute at like, 13, and they made a movie about it and every­thing.

In­di­an chick: Look­it that chart. They’re rank­ing con­doms, see? Tro­jan Mag­num, then Reg­u­lar Tro­jans, then Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheer, then Durex Reg­u­lar, then Lifestyles, and then Lifestyle Ul­tra-Sen­si­tive, see?
Asian chick: Mmm. Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheers, yeah.
In­di­an chick: But Durex has at least one more that should go in there! Durex has a Mag­num too and it’s re­al­ly good.
Asian chick: So yeah, what’s their deal?
In­di­an chick: Like, it’ all about how well they en­dure. Not how much plea­sure they give. Fuck­ing gov­ern­ment chart.

In­di­an chick: Any­way. I’m def­i­nite­ly thinkin’ about havin’ my kids in a for­eign coun­try. Like, dual cit­i­zen­ship. Just take a se­mes­ter off, fly to Britain for a month, and voila.
Asian chick: That’s the cra­zi­est thing I’ve ever heard. What for?
In­di­an chick: They just come out cool­er, that’s all.

–Chelsea Health Cen­ter, 9th Av­enue

Over­heard by: capn mid­nite

Could You Re­mind Me How to Breathe?

Hip In­di­an chick #1: We should to­tal­ly go to Ra­j’s par­ty to­mor­row night.
Hip In­di­an chick #2: Oh my god, we to­tal­ly should! Ex­cept it’s in Brook­lyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or some­thing?
Hip In­di­an chick #1: You’re kid­ding, right?
Hip In­di­an chick #2, laugh­ing: Wow! I am so one of those peo­ple who are like to­tal ge­nius­es but al­ways for­get like, re­al­ly ba­sic stuff.
Hip In­di­an chick #1: Umm, yeah. To­tal­ly.

–M14D Bus

Over­heard by: Cody

They Can’t Even Dri­ve You Any­where!

Cry­ing scream­ing In­di­an girl: I am so sick of this! I do so much for you, you mean every­thing to me and I am so sick of this! I was there for you! Noth­ing mat­tered to you!
Asian ex-boyfriend: Um­mm…
In­di­an girl: And I am so tired of you choos­ing them over me. Al­ways choos­ing the Asian girls over me! It nev­er mat­ters, be­cause you al­ways choose the Asians!

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

In Days of Old, Just a Glimpse of Them Was Looked on As Some­thing Shock­ing

Amer­i­can-born In­di­an guy with cream col­ored bell bot­toms tucked in a pais­ley shirt: There’s some­thing about fob‑y girls from Asia that is so sexy–they wear stock­ings.
Fil­ipino Amer­i­can girls #1 and #2: Uhh, what?
Amer­i­can-born In­di­an guy: Yeah! There are stud­ies that have been done on it, like by Duke Uni­ver­si­ty. It’s like 20 pages long. Look it up.

–Prince & Eliz­a­beth

Over­heard by: based on what you’re wear­ing, ON­LY girls wear­ing stock­ings would find YOU sexy

Food Was Scarce in In­di­ana

Girl #1: Okay, what should I get? The Gombee burg­er sounds good. Hey, that kin­da sounds like Gandhi…except he prob­a­bly would­n’t want to eat the burg­er. Re­mem­ber that time he was on that hunger strike?
Girl #2: Aren’t cows like, sa­cred to Hin­dus or some­thing?
Girl #1: Oh! That’s prob­a­bly why he would­n’t have want­ed to eat it.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty