Archive for the ‘Infidelity’ Category

Shows What You Know– My Girl­friend’s a Les­bian.

Street ven­dor: T‑shirts, get your “I love New York” t‑shirts! On­ly three dol­lars. Much bet­ter than you’d nor­mal­ly get at a store. T‑shirts, get your t‑shirts!
20-some­thing guy to girl­friend: Too ex­pen­sive, babe. Sor­ry.
Ven­dor to guy: Yeah, well your girl­friend can have one for free be­cause of how amaz­ing she was last night.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: i LOVE new york

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just “So­cia­ble”

Drunk gay man: I’ve slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Over­heard by: Let his own mom win that con­test

Woman to man: I don’t want to be known as the whore of New York­ers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It’s just sex. There’s no way you guys can ever be per­ma­nent­ly tied, or any­thing.

–Ma­cy’s

Prep­py, mid­dle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Book­store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ‑she prob­a­bly said

Fig­ures Don’t Lie

Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start hav­ing sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it’s okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I on­ly slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we’re even.

–21st St

Over­heard by: learn­ing some­thing new every­day

My New Wife, Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Guy: Man, you think Lee Har­vey Os­wald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Over­heard by: Jess Is­sacharoff

Woman: Her bridal show­er was her sweet six­teen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got mar­ried? But hon­ey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my hus­band.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your hus­band who’s been cheat­ing on you for two fuck­ing years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s re­al­ly lone­ly since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lo­tion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t try­ing to see you noth­in’. I want to mar­ry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!

–At­lantic Av­enue gas sta­tion

Over­heard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to lis­ten to me. Don’t lis­ten to your wife. Your wife does­n’t work here.

–Newark air­port

Over­heard by: jk

Laina and Nathan (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I on­ly did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You men­tioned whether I wrote to Bar­ry about that girl from Cana­da out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You vi­o­lat­ed me. I’d nev­er do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me af­ter yo­ga class–”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not fun­ny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: Jan­u­ary. What is that? You want to screw oth­er peo­ple? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down on­to my chest. I will have to re­pay you soon.”
Man: I did­n’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks lat­er you went with me and my fam­i­ly to the Vine­yard.
Man: You have every right to be up­set. It was once, hon­ey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with some­one you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I did­n’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick!

–Cafe Pick Me Up, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Gideon Wal­lace

Wednes­day Two-Timers

Guy to bud­dy: It’s not cheat­ing if it’s un­der­ground.

–Prince & Eliz­a­beth

Over­heard by: emil­ia

Man on cell: Yes, dar­ling… I miss you, too… Can’t wait to wrap my­self around you again… You are so hot… Oooh, yeah, you make me crazy… Hold on a sec, I’ve got a call com­ing in [looks at phone]… Shit! It’s my wife. Lemme call ya right back.

–Jet­Blue ter­mi­nal, JFK

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Crazy guy to train: Does any­one know how I can con­vince my wife that I won’t cheat on her?

–F train

Over­heard by: tko

20-some­thing on cell: I gen­uine­ly think we’d be a good match, ex­cept for the whole be­ing mar­ried and cheat­ing on his wife thing.

–49th & Rock­e­feller Plaza

His­pan­ic girl: You should send him a card that says, ‘Con­grat­u­la­tions on mar­ry­ing the girl you cheat­ed on and dumped for me and then got back to­geth­er when I dumped yo’ cheatin’ ass for some­one way bet­ter.’

–6 train

More Like Fist­ing Them, Re­al­ly

Lati­na: You like to dance?
Prep­py guy: Yeah.
Lati­na: The girls here are re­al­ly easy. I can in­tro­duce you to some that will let you touch their pussies.
Prep­py guy: Um­mm. I’m en­gaged.
Lati­na: That’s okay. My hus­band’s over there danc­ing with them right now.

–El­dridge St

Over­heard by: David

No­body Calls ’em “Play­erettes”

Black man #1: Man, that re­minds me of my bach­e­lor par­ty! The oth­er day this slut friend of mine was get­ting mar­ried — ex­cuse my lan­guage.
Black man #2: That’s aight, man. Some­times you got­ta call a slut a slut.
Black man #1: So, she was get­ting mar­ried, right? And the guy is wait­ing for her in a ho­tel room with cham­pagne and shit. And the bitch is at my house!
Black man #2: Yo, that’s a slut aight.

–28th & 8th