Archive for the ‘Infidelity’ Category

Poli-Sci 101: Clin­ton­ian Eti­quette

Co­lum­bia girl #1: So wait, he cheat­ed on his mis­tress??
Co­lum­bia girl #2: Nooooo, he cheat­ed on his wife with his mis­tress.
Co­lum­bia girl #1: Oh, I was con­fused.

–116th & Am­s­ter­dam
Head­line by: nj2nc

Run­ners-Up:
· “And by ‘Con­fused’ I Mean Im­pressed” — colleen
· “Ap­par­ent­ly, So Was the Ad­mis­sions Staff” — goes to a bet­ter NY school
· “He Did Cheat on Both with a Hook­er in Ve­gas, But That Stayed There.” — Deb­o­rah
· “It’s OK, Ex­tra-Mar­i­tal Af­fairs Is a 300-Lev­el Course.” — Tyson Ju­r­gens
· “It’s a Mo­bius Strip of Poon.” — prefekt
· “Just as Long as There Weren’t No Damn Queers Get­ting Hitched. That Would Ru­in the Holy Union That Is Mar­riage.” — Col­in Mc­Cleod
· “Most Like­ly to Trans­fer to a SUNY” — las­couine
· “Pro­fes­sor Giu­liani Should Re­move His Bio from the Syl­labus” — Dave El­lis
· “Should­n’t be. It’s How You Got in­to Co­lum­bia.” — ab­by
· “So How Did the Mon­key Fit in­to All of This Again?” — Fleet­line
· “You Bet­ter Start Learn­ing the Dif­fer­ence If You’re Go­ing to Get That MRS De­gree” — Slick­Ricks
· “You Can’t Cheat on the Peo­ple You Are Cheat­ing on Your Wife With…It’s in the Bible.” — Sean
· “You’d Think the Con­cept of Cheat­ing Would Be More Fa­mil­iar at Co­lum­bia” — bri b

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gor­geous girl to much short­er, ugli­er boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our re­la­tion­ship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I’m your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walk­ing and ar­gue loud­ly, a small crowd be­gins to gath­er)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheat­ing? Why would you think that? You’re the one that said you’re the on­ly one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the on­ly man that will ever love you!
Ran­dom guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Ran­dom guy: No you douchebag, your girl­friend!

–Broad­way & Wall St.

“…or give him the back door. Then he’ll for­give any­thing.”

Girl #1: I feel like shit. I should­n’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we look­ing for?
Girl #1: Any­thing nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the col­or of re­morse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll un­der­stand I cheat­ed on him. He might ac­tu­al­ly be sus­pi­cious al­ready if I buy him a present with­out an ap­par­ent rea­son.
Girl #2: Just make him din­ner then.

–Ba­nana Re­pub­lic, 5th Ave.