Archive for the ‘Instruments’ Category

Are You Read­ing Off… an In­dex Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tran­ny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re look­ing for a bassist, we have a show on Sat­ur­day, my apart­ment sucks, Joe quit, been try­ing to lose weight, I need a hair­cut, it’s my birth­day next week, and I’ve been play­ing World of War­craft. What about you?

–Hal­loween Ad­ven­ture, 11th & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Gui­tars… gui­tarists, gui­tarists… drum­mers, yeah, any mu­si­cians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave Eu­ro­pean guy: I am play­ing the pi­ano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Li­brar­i­an­ish-look­ing woman: He asked me if I want­ed to blow his tu­ba, and I said, “sure!”. It was amaz­ing­ly hard­er than I thought it would be. And, he’s bring­ing his or­gan to­mor­row so I can play with it.

–Bat­tery Park Star­bucks

30-some­thing woman: My con­sul­tant was telling me I should try not to sound elit­ist. But that’s re­al­ly hard for me. I mean, I have two mas­ter’s de­grees and I play the vi­o­lin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Body­builder on cell: I’m think­ing a harp­si­chord, a wig, and a whole lot­ta tal­cum pow­der.

–Chi­na­town Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grind­ing is as prac­ti­cal as play­ing the harp­si­chord was for Jane Austen.

–Up­per East Side

There Are No Small Wednes­days– On­ly Small One-Lin­ers.

Girl on cell, de­fi­ant­ly: Lis­ten, I can keep my midget in your clos­et when­ev­er I damn please!

–72nd & Colum­bus

Man hand­ing out cards to ran­dom passers-by: They have midget strip­pers, bud­dy, and you can bring your gui­tar!

–42nd & 7th

Over­heard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can’t call your­self a grown man if you sit down and your feet dan­gle off the chair.

–Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret

Over­heard by: Emm

Black guy push­ing cart: Man, I miss my two-head­ed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an an­gry lit­tle munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: TheMac

“This One Time, at Wednes­day One-Lin­er Camp…”

An­gry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pi­anist.

–Out­side Fair­way, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We’re in­side. Yeah, she’s play­ing “Creep” on a ukulele. No, I’m se­ri­ous!


Art stu­dent: I did some acid and they made me play with a gui­tar, but it felt like plas­tic and it sound­ed like cheese!

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Tall drum­mer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drum­line goes on break, they’re like, “let’s play some more!” When you guys go on break, you’re like, “let’s ex­plore each oth­ers’ bod­ies!”


Over­heard by: An­oth­er band geek

30-some­thing African Amer­i­can woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin’ her ass like a vi­o­lin!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: KTiz­zle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, vi­o­lins are ba­si­cal­ly just gi­ant con­doms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Old­er man on cell walk­ing two gi­ant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it’s like a Ger­man vi­o­lin­ist.

–Thomp­son Square Park

Moth­er to young daugh­ter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still should­n’t have hit you on the shoul­der with a vi­o­lin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let’s go see the one about the trans­sex­u­al vi­o­lin­ists. (pause, yelling loud­er) Vi­o­lin­ists! The trans­sex­u­al vi­o­lin play­ers. Vi­o­lin! (pause) You did­n’t say “vi­o­lin”? Just trans­sex­u­als? (pause) Did you say “vi­o­lence”? (pause) No? (pause) I’m not hun­gover!

–J Train

Is Christo­pher Walken a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens land­ed in Brook­lyn? And they start shoot­ing their guns, their laser guns on the cor­ner, in the can­dy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shel­ter?

–John Jay Col­lege of Crim­i­nal Jus­tice

Crazy guy: I am an alien from out­er space! I have crash land­ed on your plan­et! This is our lan­guage! (sax­o­phone so­lo)

–C Train

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Con­duc­tor: We will be stopped at the next sta­tion for ten min­utes. You are not al­lowed to ex­it the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bath­room trips. If you do get off of the train you will be ab­duct­ed by aliens and nev­er heard from again.

–Am­trak Train, Penn sta­tion

Over­heard by: Madge

Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wan­na get drunk lat­er.

–94th St & Broad­way