Black guy: Why would a young black girl dye her hair blonde? Looks terrible, y’know.
Whitey: Um, yeah. Bad idea.
Black guy: Bitch looked like a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.
–One Penn Plaza
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
To Be Fair, It Arrives So Infrequently That Even We Forget.
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
Goldfish Go Through This on a Regular Basis
Girl #1, looking at notebook her friend gave her: Hey, that’s a cool notebook!
Girl #2: It’s yours, silly!
Girl #1: Oh, yeah!
–City College of New York
Overheard by: Just chilling around..
Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?
Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: I can’t fucking take this shit.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Morel Farember
She Prefers Not to Date Outside Of Her Faith
Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat’s friend: That’s cause she gangsta–you not!
–Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lo Fisch
He’s Taking Over Howard Hughes’ Old Job
Man: Hey, I finally got that promotion!
Woman: Oh my god, congratulations! High five!
Man: Don’t touch me.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Aaliyah Leuschner
While You’re Still Paying for All That Unprotected Sex
Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She’s our sister!
Brunette sister: She’s getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I’m paying for the lattes.
–Starbucks, Bryant Park
Guess Which Bush Daughter Is Which
Girl #1: Oh my god, he called you a bitch? I am going to kill him!
Girl #2: Nooo, it’s okay, I am a bitch. Like, I really never care when people say mean things about me because they’re always true. Like, I’m really mean. I am a huge bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, same, I guess… I’m a whore.
–26th & 10th
Overheard by: Gaby
The Time Traveler is Genuinely Disoriented
Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey-nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Borgen
Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo
Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade.”
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Dashing Dan
Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.
–21st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ED
Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.
–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens
Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.
–50th St & 9th Ave
Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.
–F Train
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
