Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!

–Fordham University

Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…

–LIRR terminal, Penn Station

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Overheard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU dining hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Overheard by: Robert

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

What's That Supposed to Mean?

Obese Midwestern tourist: So are we gonna go get that falafel thing?
Other Midwestern tourist: Well, if we're gonna go to Hooters we don't need to get the falafel thing.
Obese Midwestern tourist: Why not? I could eat both.
Other Midwestern tourist: Do you know what a falafel thing is?
Obese Midwestern tourist: It's like ice cream.
Other Midwestern tourist: Oh, really? I thought that was gelato.
Obese Midwestern tourist: No, dumbass.
Other Midwestern tourist: Okay, well I guess you'd know…

–7 Train

Overheard by: Caitlin

I Do Now

High school girl #1: Oh my god, I hate her, like, I have never hated anyone more.
High school girl #2: I know! She is such a slut. (pause) We're talking about Chantel, right?
High school girl #1: No, I was talking about Lacey. (pause) You think Chantel is a slut?

–Outside MoMA

You Ghetto-of-the-Ivy-League Poser

Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I’m your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Cooper Union Student

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