Lady: Where is the restroom?
Einstein: There’s one on 4 near the bathrooms, and one up on 6 near the bathrooms.
–Filene’s Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: Erika Karnell
Archive for the ‘Intelligentsia’ Category
Wouldn’t They Ask “What Are You?” (A: Pompous)
Guy: So people ask me, “What am I?”, and I say, “Firstly, I’m a person and an American.” It’s such a contextual paradox. I just can’t explain it.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: I just said I can’t explain it, it’s a contextual paradox.
–N train
Watching Just Shoot Me Until You’re Sterile
Woman #1: He had to take his cat to the vet.
Woman #2: She has to get spaded?
–Office, W. 53rd Street
As Deep and Shitty As…a Really Deep and Very Shitty Thing
Guy #1: That’s far. That shit is deep.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: 14th.
Guy #2: You think that’s deep? Shit.
–St Mark’s, between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Jon Door
Same Applies for Judging Boyfriends
Woman: That one painting was gorgeous.
Man: Did you notice that no matter where you were in the room, his eyes were looking at you? That’s how you can tell it’s a great painting.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jeff Scherer
Just Across The Street From Stuyvesant…
Prof: A noun is a person, place or thing. Can someone give me a noun? William?
William: How ’bout…motherfucker?
Prof: That could be a noun, but also a verb or even an adjective…
–BMCC
Overheard by: Professor
Most Children Are
Intellectual: I can’t believe some adults enjoy reading those Harry Potter books; they’re just awful.
Book vendor: Maybe some of them are still children.
Intellectual: I think some of them are psychopaths.
–W. 4th & Greene
Overheard by: Brian Lang
Wednesday On-Liners
Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website.
–Union Square
Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer.
–Elevator, ABC building, 66th St
Overheard by: Mojosaves
World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist.
–20th & 8th
Overheard by: laughing out loud
Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?!
–4th Ave
Overheard by: Joe
Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you.
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: wild dog boy
Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately.
–11th & 6th
Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn.
–Grand & Varick
When You’re That Old, the Vagina Looks Like Just Another Wrinkle
Sophisticated old lady #1: I had no clean panties tonight.
Sophisticated old lady #2: Well, just go commando.
Sophisticated old lady #1: Yeah, that is what I did.
Sophisticated old lady #2: Yeah, I always go commando.
–San Pietro restaurant, E 54th St
Don’t Give a Guy Ideas
Girl: You don’t like hot dogs?
Guy: Only at baseball games.
Girl: Well, we could go downstairs and, like, throw a bat around.
–59th Street office