Archive for the ‘Irish’ Category

And Is Lucky the Lep­rechaun a Pri­ma Don­na in Re­al Life?

(Irish ser­vice el­e­va­tor op­er­a­tor is show­ing new guy the ropes, de­liv­ery Thug walks in)
Op­er­a­tor, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I got­ta ask you a ques­tion, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guin­ness?
New guy: Yeah, some­times.
Thug: Al­right, I got­ta know, is the Guin­ness here dif­fer­ent from the Guin­ness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Is­land Jew.
Thug: Shit, for re­al? I thought every­body who worked here was from Ire­land.
(thug gets off the el­e­va­tor to make de­liv­ery)
Op­er­a­tor: You should’ve asked him if it’s dif­fer­ent buy­ing food in a su­per­mar­ket in­stead of hav­ing to chase and kill it with a spear.

–E 77th St

I Thought That Was Self-Pity

Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse.

–4th & 8th

Over­heard by: knows what she means

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Mid­dle Name Is Ralph, As in Puke

Sub­way an­nounc­er: Ladies and gen­tle­men, please be aware that there is no V train ser­vice on the week­ends… That’s V as in ‘vom­it.’

–57th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: hero­ine in in­iq­ui­ty

Got­ti-look­ing girl: Yeah, and I was­n’t hav­ing a good time so she was like, ‘Why did­n’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Be­cause I’m not gonna stoop to his lev­el. I’ll just have some­one break his legs.’

–LIRR Hicksville

Over­heard by: Sarah

Con­duc­tor: No fight­ing, no throw­ing up.

–LIRR train

Over­heard by: Kris­ten

Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poi­son tonight? What do you feel like tast­ing on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?

–PATH to Christo­pher St

Met­al guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you got­ta throw up you can’t beat pan­cakes and syrup.

–Burg­er King, 34th St

Over­heard by: Glad I was done eat­ing

Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the show­er, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever hap­pened!

–168th & Ft Wash­ing­ton Ave

Just be sure you don’t give her The Ba­by

Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peach­es last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.

Head­line by: In­ter­na­tion­al Man of Leisure

Run­ners-Up:

· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” — bri­an brine­gar

· “And al­so, pre­sum­ably, the cream” — lau­ren

· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” — Drew­ster

· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” — Rod W

· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” — ja­nine


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