Archive for the ‘Islam’ Category

Yet An­oth­er Draw­back of Ab­sti­nence-On­ly Ed­u­ca­tion

White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Mus­lim, so don’t piss them off. Mus­lims don’t care if they die be­cause then they’ll get 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: It’s not 72 vir­gins, it’s 45 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #2: I thought it was 40 vir­gins.
White guy: But a Mus­lim per­son told me that it was 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 vir­gins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 vir­gins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.

–MetroTech, Lawrence St

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

What’s So Great Aboot Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Eh?

Man on sub­way, about to ex­it: Oba­ma, Is­lam, Cana­da. Oba­ma, in Is­lam, and Cana­da. (ex­its train)

–Down­town D Train

Over­heard by: katiekaty­did

Thug to tourists: How do you say “thank you” in Cana­di­an?

–34th & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Flu­ent in Cana­di­an

Stu­dent: I’m so sick and tired of your Cana­di­an con­de­scen­sion.

–Eu­gene Lang Col­lege

Crazy Brook­lynite at a pay­phone: The Queen owns every­thing! She owns Eu­rope, she owns Africa, and she owns Cana­da! The one thing she does­n’t own is the US. So could some­body give me a US quar­ter for a Cana­di­an quar­ter?

–Broad­way & 8th St

Ditzy blonde to an­oth­er: Do we look Cana­di­an?

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Holls

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers (the King James Ver­sion)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then loud­er.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

La­dy on cell: You tell my mom­ma to get her ass to church and stop sin­ning!

–Grand Con­course, 205th St.

Over­heard by: LSB

Black guy to an­oth­er: Go to the Catholic church, crac­ka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Mid­dle East­ern man: I be­lieve in Is­lam and Al­lah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop do­ing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Over­heard by: Mark

Thug: I to­tal­ly in­vent­ed the Chuck Nor­ris re­li­gion.

–Queens Mall

Over­heard by: LSB

Amer­i­ca’s First Black Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Tran­ny head­ing to­ward Hal­loween pa­rade, see­ing Sarah Palin cos­tume: Oh my god! That’s the la­dy Pres­i­dent, right? The as­sis­tant Pres­i­dent!

–W 4th St Sub­way Sta­tion

(mus­lim hot dog ven­dor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mom­my! Barack Oba­ma!

–W 60th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Bri­an

Thug, to hot girl pass­ing by: Hey! Yo, girl, ex­cuse me! (she keeps walk­ing) So, you’re vot­ing for Mc­Cain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Alex A.

Lit­tle girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he’s the first black per­son to run against Bush.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Dana

Side­walk watch ven­dor: These are the watch­es Oba­ma wore be­fore he be­came Sen­a­tor!

–33rd St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: crosstown girl

Lit­tle black girl trick-or-treat­ing with fam­i­ly: Two, four, six, eight, who do we ap­pre­ci­ate? Oba­ma! Oba­ma!

–Pa­cif­ic St & Nos­trand

Over­heard by: Oba­ma Now!

Well, OK, But He’s Def­i­nite­ly Not a Creepy Mor­mon!

Oba­ma vol­un­teer, on su­per Tues­day: Have you had a chance to make it out to the polls yet?
Old woman, an­gri­ly: I don’t like Mus­lims. [walks past].
Vol­un­teer: Um­m­mm… [shouts af­ter her] he’s Chris­t­ian!
Old woman, turn­ing back, even an­gri­er: No he’s not!

–53rd & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: NCS

Hap­py Holidays–NYC Style

White Mus­lim Woman: The women who were sit­ting here were laugh­ing at me be­cause of how I look. I’m a so­cial work­er. Some of my clients are OM­RDD so I read lips re­al well. Be­cause I’m Mus­lim they did­n’t like my out­fit. They think we don’t care about how we dress. I was ac­tu­al­ly Kr­ish­na be­fore I was Mus­lim. The Christ­mas hol­i­days, the spir­it is sup­posed to be giv­ing. My daugh­ter’s Chris­t­ian still. That’s why I’m laugh­ing. In my house we used to have Kwan­zaa, every­thing. I knew my hus­band for three years. I taught him Eng­lish. I was his teacher! I just con­vert­ed. Re­ver­sion, they call it. Then two weeks lat­er we got mar­ried. Eng­lish I taught him and he was teach­ing me Ara­bic. We met in a store ’cause they have re­stric­tions about com­ing up to a wom­an’s apartment…They don’t think you un­der­stand Eng­lish, but I speak Span­ish and Ital­ian. One time this la­dy said she thought I was dis­gust­ing. I told her “You’re dis­gust­ing!” in Span­ish. I was pee­ing my pants. I was hys­ter­i­cal.

–D Train