Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are One Baaaad Moth­er– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talk­ing about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Over­heard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Lis­ten, John. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom.

–R Train

An­noy­ing 40-some­thing new mom: A good mom al­ways has a di­a­per in her pock­et!

–Barnes & No­ble, 18th & 5th

Over­heard by: I Am McLovey

Cowork­er: I got a boot­leg moth­er.

–Mid­town

Win­dow-shop­ping tourist to wife: Look, hon­ey! It’s the dress your moth­er wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Moth­er’s Day and she yells at me for not call­ing her for Moth­er’s Day like my broth­er did. So I go out­side and call her from my cell and say “hap­py Moth­er’s Day!” and she yells at me for be­ing an id­iot.

–37th & 7th

In the 70s They Called That a ‘Nose Job’.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m go­ing to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Over­heard by: A. Pin­cus

Head­line by: Still got my orig­i­nal nose.

Run­ners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the In­side Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Re­al­ized I Can Keep the Sense Of En­ti­tle­ment With­out All That Ex­tra Work.” — stooby­doo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Al­ready.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writ­ing My Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy Lat­er To­day” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slut­ty and Need an Abor­tion” — Ca­su­al Ob­serv­er
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, Amer­i­can Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Mag­gie Gyl­len­haal. She’s like, ac­tu­al­ly walk­ing down the street!

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca Black­s­hear

JAP: Do not men­tion that freak­ing African queen and her re­cy­cled hus­band!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twen­tysome­thing woman on cell: I’m gonna be late be­cause I had to walk Drew Bar­ry­more’s dog.

–in front of Amer­i­can Ap­par­el, 7th Ave

In­ter­est­ing­ly, This Is Ex­act­ly How Chris­tian­i­ty Works

JAP: Oh my god, I to­tal­ly have to go to my cous­in’s birth­day in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Fol­low­er: I hate her be­cause you hate her.
JAP: What? I don’t hate her, she is just a lit­tle bitch.
Fol­low­er: Like, what’s the dif­fer­ence?
JAP, walk­ing away: The dif­fer­ence is you are no longer my friend and luck­i­ly you are sooo re­place­able.
Fol­low­er, run­ning be­hind: I’m sooo sor­ry! Please don’t do this!

–Whole Foods, Union Square