Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

I Would Shave, Though

Queer hipster: Do my labia look too puffy?
JAP: What?
Queer hipster: My labia!
JAP: What the hell did you just say? I can’t hear you.
Queer hipster: My va-gi-na lips! Do they look too puffy?
JAP: Oh… No, not at all.

–Ben & Jerry’s

Wednesday One-Liners! They’re Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There’s only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I’m not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I’m going to buy some new damn clothes. I don’t want to wear stuff from 1987. I’ll look stupid, I’ll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa’s size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

The JDating Of Wednesday One-Liners

JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?

–H&M

Overheard by: Sandjiggie

Redhead JAP: It’s too bright, I can’t hear you…

–41st & 3rd

JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?

–F Train

20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don’t want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I’ve spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Pete