Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers! They’re Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheer­ful­ly, to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: There’s on­ly one Lind­say Lo­han!

–Down­town 1 train

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Jew­ish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done peo­ple tell me I look like Amy Wine­house?

–116th St & Broad­way

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Over­heard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larg­er re­porter: I’m not go­ing to save clothes that fit me be­fore I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I’m go­ing to buy some new damn clothes. I don’t want to wear stuff from 1987. I’ll look stu­pid, I’ll look like Mis­cha Bar­ton.

–Mid­town Of­fice

Over­heard by: you wont be mis­cha’s size

Hip­ster girl to friend: I mean, I re­al­ly like him… But he thinks Riv­er Phoenix is a place.

–East Vil­lage

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are One Baaaad Moth­er– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talk­ing about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Over­heard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Lis­ten, John. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom.

–R Train

An­noy­ing 40-some­thing new mom: A good mom al­ways has a di­a­per in her pock­et!

–Barnes & No­ble, 18th & 5th

Over­heard by: I Am McLovey

Cowork­er: I got a boot­leg moth­er.

–Mid­town

Win­dow-shop­ping tourist to wife: Look, hon­ey! It’s the dress your moth­er wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Moth­er’s Day and she yells at me for not call­ing her for Moth­er’s Day like my broth­er did. So I go out­side and call her from my cell and say “hap­py Moth­er’s Day!” and she yells at me for be­ing an id­iot.

–37th & 7th

They Take Your Mon­ey and Don’t Care If You Live or Die

JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slut­ty any­more. It’s just not ap­pro­pri­ate.
JAP #2: You did it in col­lege all the time.
JAP #1: But col­lege is dif­fer­ent! Col­lege is like be­ing in Ve­gas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

The JDat­ing Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

JAP girl on line: Why would I be boo­gieing at tem­ple?

–H&M

Over­heard by: Sand­jig­gie

Red­head JAP: It’s too bright, I can’t hear you…

–41st & 3rd

JAP: Is sav­ing the whales still, like, a thing?

–F Train

20-some­thing JAP on cell: I mean: I don’t want to say that I live in a bub­ble, but the on­ly peo­ple I’ve spo­ken to in the last week and a half are you and my door­man.

–42nd St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Pe­te