Archive for the ‘Jewish Moms’ Category

Wednes­day Does­n’t Eat Enough to Keep a One-Lin­er Alive

Skin­ny pro­fes­sor: John* [a chub­by pro­fes­sor] and I start­ed Weight Watch­ers to­geth­er at the same time!

–Hos­tos Fac­ul­ty Din­ing Room

Over­heard by: glad she’s leav­ing

Skin­ny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy sub­sti­tute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on loves Thanks­giv­ing food

Girl or­der­ing Cof­fee Coolat­ta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorex­ic. Every­thing tast­ed good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Over­heard by: al­li­son

Jew­ish grand­moth­er­ly type: Women with anorex­ia seem to have such strange eat­ing habits.

–Up­per West Side

Anorex­ic-look­ing girl: I want a tic tac. I’m hun­gry.

–95th & 2nd

Sing in He­brew, Sweet­ie.

Loud Jew­ish grand­moth­er: No­body ever wants to come here to cel­e­brate the hol­i­days.
Loud­er Jew­ish son: What are you talk­ing about, ma? We’re all here!
(fam­i­ly sits in si­lence around ta­ble)
11-year-old grand­daugh­ter, soft­ly singing: When you wish up­on a star… Makes no dif­fer­ence who you are.

–Queens

Over­heard by: S

Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is Mur­der

Black man: I can nev­er watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awk­ward­ly erot­ic thing I’ve ever seen. It was the per­fect com­bi­na­tion of food and fe­male.

–Pratt Cof­fee Shop, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mary­rose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: “and that’s the his­to­ry of ham”!

–Queens

Over­heard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray’s for hot dogs with you, but I can’t. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Car­o­line

Cute teen girl: It’d be like a flop­py bag of meat… (pause) I’m not talk­ing about dick!

–Star­bucks

Woman plac­ing dri­ve-thru or­der: And two ju­nior ba­con cheese­burg­ers. Ac­tu­al­ly, I don’t want the ba­con. I don’t want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy’s Dri­vethru, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Oh the Pig-man­i­ty!

Up­set Or­tho­dox Jew moth­er to ba­by in stroller: Ba­con!? Who told you about ba­con!?

–West End & West 100th St