Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

But That’s, Like, The Worst Hampton!

Jappy girl #1: So like, I couldn’t believe what happened to Erica*, but like, I think she’ll be ok. I mean, she’s gonna marry some guy who went to Penn instead of some guy who went to Princeton, and she’ll have a country house in South Hampton instead of like, East Hampton, but I think she’ll be ok.
Jappy girl #2: Oh yeah, I think she can handle it.
Jappy girl #1: Poor thing.

–The Dalton School

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Would You Like Me to Hit You in the Face?

Drunk girl: So, how have you been doing lately?
Jewish guy: Oh, fine, I guess. I’m just — ugh — like, so sick of having to play the part of the Jewish fucking intellectual who likes to go see plays. I hate fucking seeing plays. I would rather get hit in the face than go see a play. I’m sick of having to lie to my Jewish friends when they ask me, ‘Oh, have you seen that new play?’ And I have to say, ‘No, but I want to go see it!’ I don’t want to go see the fucking play!
Drunk girl: Hmmm… Yeah, that is rough.

–E 3rd & 2nd

She Means the Greeks

Chick: How come we’re always talking about how the Jews were persecuted? Lots of people have been persecuted. My people have been persecuted, too.
Professor guy: Um…This is “Introduction to Jewish-American Literature”.
Chick: …Yeah, but still.

–Waverly Building, Waverly Place