Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Talk Shit

Woman to friend: I have a the­o­ry: they just throw the horse­shit over the wall.

–Cen­tral Park South

Over­heard by: mar­ijke

Jew­ish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amaz­ing this chair is. It gives great lum­bar sup­port. You will be jeal­ous and then you will poop from jeal­ousy… But you bet­ter not poop on my chair.

–Bleeck­er & Mer­cer

Woman on cell: Hon­ey, but they were poop­ing all over the deck and hit­ting each oth­er with shov­els!

–West Vil­lage

NYU stu­dent to moth­er: You can’t re­al­ly get a good din­ner in this town for un­der ten dollars…well, you can…but you’ll just poop it out lat­er.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

(moth­er no­tices tod­dler’s soiled di­a­per, says some­thing to him, and bends down to pick him up)
Tod­dler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaai­it, can I walk, so my poop does­n’t get squashed?

–Bed­ford & 5th

20-some­thing guy to friend: You need fe­ces? I can pro­vide!

–Broad­way & 12th

Over­heard by: eli­jah

Where Uni­tar­i­ans Come From

Gen­tile #1: I’m think­ing he looks more like a rab­bi. Can’t you just pic­ture the yarmulke on his head?
Gen­tile #2: Drei­del, drei­del, drei­del, I made you out of wood.
Gen­tile #1: Clay!
Gen­tile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay… see, that’s what makes me not Jew­ish.
Gen­tile #1: Be­lieve it or not, in Catholic school dur­ing Hanukkah they had us play drei­del games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gen­tile #2: That’s very weird.
Gen­tile #1: Hey, it was bet­ter than read­ing the Bible.
Gen­tile #2: Touché.

–New School for So­cial Re­search

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, Amer­i­can Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Mag­gie Gyl­len­haal. She’s like, ac­tu­al­ly walk­ing down the street!

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca Black­s­hear

JAP: Do not men­tion that freak­ing African queen and her re­cy­cled hus­band!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twen­tysome­thing woman on cell: I’m gonna be late be­cause I had to walk Drew Bar­ry­more’s dog.

–in front of Amer­i­can Ap­par­el, 7th Ave