Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

Where Uni­tar­i­ans Come From

Gen­tile #1: I’m think­ing he looks more like a rab­bi. Can’t you just pic­ture the yarmulke on his head?
Gen­tile #2: Drei­del, drei­del, drei­del, I made you out of wood.
Gen­tile #1: Clay!
Gen­tile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay… see, that’s what makes me not Jew­ish.
Gen­tile #1: Be­lieve it or not, in Catholic school dur­ing Hanukkah they had us play drei­del games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gen­tile #2: That’s very weird.
Gen­tile #1: Hey, it was bet­ter than read­ing the Bible.
Gen­tile #2: Touché.

–New School for So­cial Re­search

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, Amer­i­can Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Mag­gie Gyl­len­haal. She’s like, ac­tu­al­ly walk­ing down the street!

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca Black­s­hear

JAP: Do not men­tion that freak­ing African queen and her re­cy­cled hus­band!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twen­tysome­thing woman on cell: I’m gonna be late be­cause I had to walk Drew Bar­ry­more’s dog.

–in front of Amer­i­can Ap­par­el, 7th Ave

But That’s, Like, The Worst Hamp­ton!

Jap­py girl #1: So like, I could­n’t be­lieve what hap­pened to Er­i­ca*, but like, I think she’ll be ok. I mean, she’s gonna mar­ry some guy who went to Penn in­stead of some guy who went to Prince­ton, and she’ll have a coun­try house in South Hamp­ton in­stead of like, East Hamp­ton, but I think she’ll be ok.
Jap­py girl #2: Oh yeah, I think she can han­dle it.
Jap­py girl #1: Poor thing.

–The Dal­ton School

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg