Archive for the ‘JFK Airport’ Category

Um­mm, I’m the Pi­lot

Wife: Hon­ey, she’s the wait­ress.
An­noyed hus­band: She is not the wait­ress.
Wife: Yes, she is.
An­noyed hus­band: She’s the stew­ardess.

–Jet­Blue, JFK

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Aren’t Up to FAA Reg­u­la­tions

Tick­et agent: Due to re­cent se­cu­ri­ty re­stric­tions, no one will be al­lowed on­board with any li­quages. No li­quages are al­lowed on­board the air­craft.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Liz

Pi­lot: Those of you who re­quire wheel­chair as­sis­tance, please re­main seat­ed.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: able to stand

Pi­lot: At­ten­tion, pas­sen­gers… this is your pi­lot from the flight deck. We’ve just been giv­en no­tice that we’re now num­ber two for take­off, so we should be get­ting off the ground in just a mo­ment… so if you could all do me a fa­vor and make sure that all your win­dows are rolled up, be­cause we’re about to go re­al­ly re­al­ly fast. Thanks for your pa­tience.

–JFK

Flight at­ten­dant: Ladies and gen­tle­men, the cap­tain will be dim­ming the cab­in light­ing for the re­main­der of the flight in or­der to en­hance the ap­pear­ance of the per­son sit­ting next to you. In­di­vid­ual lights are lo­cat­ed above your seats if you wish to read, or look at the per­son sit­ting next to you.

–Jet­Blue

Pi­lot: Ladies and gen­tle­men, I’m just go­ing to pow­er off the plane for a minute and restart it. Kind of like con­trol-alt-delete on your com­put­er.

–La­Guardia

Flight at­ten­dant: Wow, that pi­lot re­al­ly does­n’t know how to fly!

–Board­ing Gate, Delta Ma­rine Air Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: Daniel