Archive for the ‘JFK Airport’ Category

The Is­land of Dr. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleed­ing? [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble re­ply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [re­ply] We have to find a way to sep­a­rate the cows from the sheep.

–El­e­va­tor, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a lla­ma! An­oth­er cock­tail and a lla­ma!

–Ter­mi­nal 5

Dude: So you’re en­joy­ing act­ing, LA, monogamy, hors­es?

–Cafe Es­peran­to

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not do­ing shots out of that al­li­ga­tor!


Over­heard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cell­phone: The lit­tle shit will def­i­nite­ly get ap­proved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Over­heard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Li­on King? Yeah The Li­on King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: BQM la­dy

Man: Man­a­tees are the most peace­ful crea­tures in the world… They get hit by mo­tor boats!

–As­tor Place

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Do Not Pass “Go”; Do Not Col­lect $200

Guy: I don’t think you’re sup­posed to like be­ing in­car­cer­at­ed.

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: mkb

Mid­dle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn my­self in now I won’t be in court for six months.

–50th & 8th

Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this cour­t­house…

–Gi­ants Pa­rade, in Front of the Cour­t­house

Over­heard by: Ju­lian

Guy on phone: We re­al­ly got our­selves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out soon­er for good be­hav­ior. We should have nev­er got­ten in­volved.

–JFK Air­port

Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Mi­ran­da rights, bitch! I will ar­rest you!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Wom­en’s Bath­room

Over­heard by: un­sure if she is crazy or on the phone

Cashier on phone: No, you don’t un­der­stand, miss. That is per­jury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not lis­ten­ing to me. I would be ar­rest­ed. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to cus­tomers.] Can I help you?

–Harlem U‑Haul

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Eat Boogers

Man on cell: It’s a swollen, pus-filled se­ba­ceous cyst…

–Nathan’s, West 32nd St

Over­heard by: SuzeV

Chick leav­ing Du­ane Reade (ex­pos­ing armpit): Air it out ba­by, air it out!

–Du­ane Reade, 14th & 1st

Over­heard by: Lil­lian

Guy to friends: I’m just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!

–96th and Broad­way

Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, se­ri­ous­ly. My mom is *so* nasty when­ev­er we go out to eat some­where. I’m not kid­ding. Like, she is *nev­er* hap­py where we get seat­ed, and she’s like, “This sil­ver­ware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The light­ing is aw­ful! The tec­ton­ic plates of this lo­ca­tion are shift­ing, I de­mand a pa­tio ta­ble!” I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’ve seen wait­ing. Please don’t shave your ass­crack hair in­to my food be­cause my mom was a douchenoz­zle.

–jet blue ter­mi­nal, jfk

Over­heard by: now ques­tion­ing my piz­za in­gre­di­ents

Girl on cell: Yeah, you pret­ty much have the same body func­tions when you’re dead as when you’re alive. It’s gross, but I love it.

–Mer­cer b/w 3rd & 4th

Over­heard by: Threw up in my mouth a lit­tle bit