Archive for the ‘Jocks’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are So Hot Right Now

Big mus­cu­lar man on cell: It’s so damn hot, I’m glad I’m not wear­ing make­up.

–Out­side Tribeca Deli

Over­heard by: Akiko

Con­duc­tor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Num­ber 3 train across the plat­form. Get it while it’s hot!

–Down­town 1 Train

El­der­ly black woman to no one in par­tic­u­lar: It’s so hot my pussy is melt­ing!

–12th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: lem­chek

En­thu­si­as­tic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to mar­ry him!

–Thomp­son & W 3rd St

Guy: I’m telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from un­der my tow­el and fell on the floor… like they was try­ing to es­cape or some­thing.

–Star­bucks

Dude to friend: I wan­na say she’s hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who ac­cepts Dis­cov­er.

–The Vil­lage

Wednes­day One-Loin­ers

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hun­gry. Well, I’ll put that fuckin’ falafel on my dick!

–La­Guardia & W 4th

Over­heard by: Not drunk

Col­lege guy to no one in par­tic­u­lar: She was try­ing to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Kate V.

Woman to man: See, I don’t have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.

–South Park Slope

Drunk guy out­side sub­way en­trance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don’t care who you are, if you’re racist, I. Will. Fight. You.

–Cen­tral Park En­trance

Over­heard by: HAIR‑y

Woman to an­oth­er: I nev­er had to dress up my vagi­na to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a sec­ond.

–Cen­tu­ry 21 Store

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his de­fense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he could­n’t have done it be­cause his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets bet­ter! He want­ed to make a plas­ter of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I’m se­ri­ous. (pause) Yeah, no…I don’t know what he was go­ing to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna sub­mit it as Ex­hib­it A or some­thing, and shove it up in her to prove his point.

–Penn Sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of col­lege. It’s kind of a long sto­ry. He like, pulled a knife on George Lu­cas.

–Barnard Col­lege

Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re sup­posed to be giv­ing me small­pox blan­kets and liquor, and I’m sup­posed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hm­mm.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl (yelling at oth­er girl): Just be­cause he cuts him­self does­n’t mean he’s emo!

–Brook­lyn Tech HS

16-year-old to an­oth­er: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.

–The Bea­con School

Gay man to fe­male friend: I’m gonna cut out your G‑spot with a but­ter knife and stick it to the wall.

–Do­jo Re­saurant

Tall, mus­cu­lar, hand­some guy on cell: My night turned out pret­ty crazy… Why? Be­cause this chick drew a knife on me in the restau­rant be­fore we even fin­ished the ap­pe­tiz­ers… And I blame you for that.

–Grand Army Plaza

Over­heard by: wish­es she would have been there…

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bust Out One-Armed Pushups for Fun

Chick on cell: Yeah, I’m like a hard­core rollerblad­er now. I just haven’t learned how to stop yet.

–44th & 3rd

Steroid Freak: So I was hang­ing from his tor­so and then we tried to in­sert the tri­an­gle…

–25th & Lex­ing­ton

Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to con­tort my limbs on a float.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Eye­teeth

Bored teenage girl (from 2nd sto­ry win­dow): Hel­lo, Mr Run­ner man! You’ve got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wear­ing all black. These are words of en­cour­age­ment! I sup­port your acts of fit­ness!

–Van­der­bilt & Bergen

Over­heard by: Jil­ly

Fe­male pow­er-walk­er with cig­a­rette: I used to be able to make a mile in un­der 7, but that was, you know, way back in col­lege, be­fore the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.

–Prospect Park Loop

Over­heard by: Em­Lo

It’s High Noon on Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Sun Di­als

Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of ro­mance is an 8‑ball and try­ing to get a hard-on!

–12th & Broad­way

Prep­py girl: Noth­ing turns me on like car­bon monox­ide!

–Lucky Jack­’s

Over­heard by: Ar­gopel­ter

Ex­cit­ed suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!

–1st Ave & 10th

Over­heard by: moo­dle

Girl on cell: I heart you like an erec­tion!

–34th & 2nd

Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don’t know why but she’d al­ways give me bon­ers in the mid­dle of class.

–St Marks & 2nd Ave

Chick: It’s all erec­tions and prostates, erec­tions and prostates! Could we have our check, please?

–Arc­ti­ca Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St

Over­heard by: Rose Fox