Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
German tourist #1: We went to the Jewish Heritage Museum yesterday and the security was crazy! The metal detector reacted to the button of my jeans, they didn’t let me carry my bag, and I had to hand in my jacket as well. They didn’t even do that when we toured the UN building!
German tourist #2: Maybe you were just racially profiled.
–Staten Island Ferry
20-ish girl seeing group of orthodox Jews walk by: Hey, look at all those Amish people! Oh, wait, are they Amish or acidic Jews?
–8th & Bedford
Overheard by: joe
Woman #1: Are you Jewish?
Woman #2: Do I look Jewish? No, I’m not Jewish. I wear pants.
–B1 bus
Woman: I’ve never seen so many cars out there.
Cashier: The Jewish people are praying.
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah, I think tomorrow is the start of Ramadan.
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst
JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m going to cut that phase in my life.
–NYU
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Headline by: Still got my original nose.
Runners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work.” — stoobydoo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Already.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writing My Autobiography Later Today” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion” — Casual Observer
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
–Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It’s because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Hasidic Jew handing out flyer: You! You! Are you Jewish?
Blonde shiksa #1: Oh my god! He totally thinks you’re Jewish!
Blonde shiksa #2: Ewww! I cannot believe he thinks I look like some fucking Jew!
Blonde not-so-shiksa: Wait a minute, bitch — I’m Jewish.
Blonde shiksa #2: Oh, sorry. It’s not your fault.
–32nd & 5th
Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
