Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category

Prefer­ably in He­brew

13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber that you told me my Bar Mitz­vah was ter­ri­ble?
13-year-old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say noth­ing.
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber? You were talk­ing to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mis­takes. Don’t blame me.
13-year-old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blam­ing me! This is why we can’t get to­geth­er. Now we can’t eat din­ner to­geth­er. We need con­flict res­o­lu­tion.

–Barnes & No­ble, 86th & Lex­ing­ton

His­to­ry Is an Un­bro­ken Chain of Irony

Ger­man tourist #1: We went to the Jew­ish Her­itage Mu­se­um yes­ter­day and the se­cu­ri­ty was crazy! The met­al de­tec­tor re­act­ed to the but­ton of my jeans, they did­n’t let me car­ry my bag, and I had to hand in my jack­et as well. They did­n’t even do that when we toured the UN build­ing!
Ger­man tourist #2: Maybe you were just racial­ly pro­filed.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

In the 70s They Called That a ‘Nose Job’.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m go­ing to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Over­heard by: A. Pin­cus

Head­line by: Still got my orig­i­nal nose.

Run­ners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the In­side Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Re­al­ized I Can Keep the Sense Of En­ti­tle­ment With­out All That Ex­tra Work.” — stooby­doo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Al­ready.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writ­ing My Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy Lat­er To­day” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slut­ty and Need an Abor­tion” — Ca­su­al Ob­serv­er
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

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