Blonde: Yo, is vodka kosher?
Jewish girl: Yes.
Blonde: Okay, good, now we can go out to dinner together.
–FIT
Overheard by: Rina
Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category
Or the Email I Sent You. Or the Registered Letter
Girl: Dad, I know what we are getting mom for Hanukkah.
Dad: What?
Girl: New mascara, hers is getting lumpy.
Dad: I think she deserves more than that.
Girl: If you want to see what I want, you can look at the folder on my desktop.
–86th & 3rd Ave
Oh, No! You Didn’t Dis the Hat!
Crazy dancing Jewish man: Hey, are you Jewish? Are you? Hey, I can tell you are! You look so Jewish! I know you are!
Woman: Why? Just because I have a fat ass and a big diamond ring? Fuck you and your big hat.
–14th St, in front of Purim Truck
Further Evidence That Judaism Has an I.Q. Prerequisite
Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn’t that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
You Think I Didn’t?
Guy #1: I got typed out of my Fiddler on the Roof audition. I’m not Jewish enough.
Guy #2: You should have asked for free chips and salsa.
–49th St & 9th Ave
Preferably in Hebrew
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you remember that you told me my Bar Mitzvah was terrible?
13-year-old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say nothing.
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you remember? You were talking to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mistakes. Don’t blame me.
13-year-old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blaming me! This is why we can’t get together. Now we can’t eat dinner together. We need conflict resolution.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington
Rarely is Anti-Semitism This Explicit
Chick #1: He’s so hot.
Chick #2: Eww.
Chick #1: What eww?
Chick #2: Um, he’s wearing a shirt that says “Spin my dreidel, and by dreidel I mean cock, and by spin I mean suck”.
Chick #1: That is a valid point.
–Asylum, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: djlindee
All This Time I Thought “He Brew” Was a Boy Bar
Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn’t he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he’s married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.
–Thom Bar
