Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category
You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they're called
I Hear the New Treatments Work Wonders
Hasidic Jew handing out flyer: You! You! Are you Jewish?
Blonde shiksa #1: Oh my god! He totally thinks you’re Jewish!
Blonde shiksa #2: Ewww! I cannot believe he thinks I look like some fucking Jew!
Blonde not-so-shiksa: Wait a minute, bitch — I’m Jewish.
Blonde shiksa #2: Oh, sorry. It’s not your fault.
–32nd & 5th
Jesus: No, We’re Cool Now
Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Where Unitarians Come From
Gentile #1: I’m thinking he looks more like a rabbi. Can’t you just picture the yarmulke on his head?
Gentile #2: Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of wood.
Gentile #1: Clay!
Gentile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay… see, that’s what makes me not Jewish.
Gentile #1: Believe it or not, in Catholic school during Hanukkah they had us play dreidel games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gentile #2: That’s very weird.
Gentile #1: Hey, it was better than reading the Bible.
Gentile #2: Touché.
–New School for Social Research
…And Now I'm Erect.
Hipster #1: I'm not a hipster. I'm a bisexual Jew with a penchant for interning at alternative magazines and weeklies.
Hipster #2: You've got the words “bisexual, Jew, penchant, interning,” and “alternative” in a single sentence. Dude, that is the definition of hipster.
–Think Coffee
Your Editors Have So Many Questions
Older Jewish woman: And where are you from?
30-something woman: Arkansas.
Older Jewish woman: And are you Jewish?
30-something woman: No.
Older Jewish woman: You just confirmed my stereotype.
30-something woman: And you just confirmed mine.
–Temple Shaaray Tefila
My Slow Suicide Diet Is Just Too Tasty Not to Share
Suit #1: I want to make Hasidics eat bacon cheeseburgers with a glass of milk.
Suit #2: Kill yourself.
–38th & 5th
Overheard by: Andrew Z
I’ll Get the Mogen Clamp
Girl #1: I like your hair.
Girl #2: It’s the perfect color for a Jewish girl.
Girl #1: But you’re not Jewish.
Girl #2: Not yet.
–3 train
Overheard by: Margot
Sure, Lisa, Some Magical Wednesday One-Liner….
Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck.
–Bleecker and Crosby
Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls?
–53rd St & 8th Ave
Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal.
–Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C
Overheard by: LeahPia77
Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Anna Pilar
Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon.
–A Train
Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!
–41st and 7th
Overheard by: Justin