Archive for the ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G’ Category

…Hint, Hint.

His­pan­ic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
His­pan­ic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the oth­er guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hys­ter­i­cal drunk­en laugh­ter)
His­pan­ic man #3: I haven’t got­ten pussy in a while, though. Since last sum­mer.
His­pan­ic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love get­ting my dick sucked.

–Q58 Bus

Mar­riage Re­quires a Dif­fer­ent Kind of Act­ing

Lit­tle girl, hold­ing Phan­tom Of The Opera play­bill: Mom­my, were those two peo­ple mar­ried?
Moth­er: What two peo­ple?
Lit­tle girl: Those two peo­ple who kissed.
Moth­er: No. Those were ac­tors. They were just act­ing in a play.
Lit­tle girl: But then out­side, I saw them hug.
Moth­er: I think they were just say­ing, “Good job.” That’s how they say, “Good job.“
Lit­tle girl: Well, I saw them kiss so they bet­ter have been mar­ried!

–LIRR train

Over­heard by: sara swank

Jeez, Look at Him Vom­it In­to That Pot­ted Palm

Dis­grun­tled woman #1: It’s not that he kissed my cousin…
Dis­grun­tled woman #2: Right.
Dis­grun­tled woman #1: And it’s not that he can’t feel emo­tions…
Dis­grun­tled woman #2: Most guys can’t!
Dis­grun­tled woman #1: It’s that he drinks Bac­ar­di-151!
Dis­grun­tled woman #2: I’m sayin’!

–The Court­yard Mar­riot, Times Square

Hey, Kiss My Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Drunk guy: Ex­cuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Over­heard by: Fred Daubert

Cana­di­an guy: The first kiss’ll be at the al­tar.

–Up­town 6 train

Loud­mouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kiss­ing her, and then I like, just start­ed danc­ing with her. We were danc­ing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awe­some kiss­er.

–NYU

Over­heard by: lucy in the sky with di­a­monds

Girl on cell: I can’t re­mem­ber the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghet­to chick leav­ing af­ter fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleed­ing, like you used to.

–Wash­ing­ton Heights

Girl on cell: He said he would­n’t leave un­til I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toi­let!

–115th St & Man­hat­tan Ave

Over­heard by: Melis­sa Berry

It Made Find­ing a Prom Date Easy

Teenage boy, mak­ing out with girl­friend: Did you know my mom and I are on­ly 15 years apart?
Teenage girl­friend: No way, that must have been re­al­ly hard.
Teenage boy: No, it’s good to be a young mom.
(mak­ing out re­sumes)

–7 Train

Head­line by: Bot­ti­cus

Run­ners-Up:
· “I’ll Show You in 9 Months” — Sandy Paws
· “In Fact, It’s Bit Of a Fam­i­ly Tra­di­tion” — Tra­di­tion­al­ist
· “Please Tell Me This Is­n’t What In­spired Gilmore Girls” — katenony­mous
· “Psy­chol­o­gists Call This “Prim­ing”” — chuck

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Ro­mance Re­quires Can­dles

Teen girl #1: So, we were to­tal­ly on his couch and we were to­tal­ly mak­ing out. It was to­tal­ly ro­man­tic.
Teen girl #2: How is mak­ing out on his couch ro­man­tic?
Teen girl #1: You’re just jeal­ous that you have no ro­mance in your life.
Teen girl #2: Don’t mis­take ro­mance for be­ing a slut.

–A train