Archive for the ‘Kick’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Lay the Smack Down

Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a box­er!

–151st & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Thin walls

Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not ap­pro­pri­ate.

–N 6th St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: j

An­gry guy on cell: This guy laid a fuck­ing war­rant on me for beat­ing up crack­heads!

–168th & Fort Wash­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: RR

Five-year-old girl to sev­en-year-old broth­er: I’ll punch your Adam’s ap­ple straight down your throat!

–Gra­ham Ave bus sta­tion

Black girl on ris­ing es­ca­la­tor, to friend: If he says any­thing to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!

–Broad­way East sta­tion

Over­heard by: Sub­way­surfer

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to an­oth­er: And she went to get in­to her car. I was like “you’d bet­ter get out of here or I’m gonna fuck you up.” And she was all slam­ming the door and stop­ping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got in­to her car and left.

–NY Cen­tral Li­brary

Over­heard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, An­nie! How are you? (pause) I’m go­ing to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don’t stop hang­ing up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loud­ly: Yeah, but, so no­body knows about it ex­cept me and the oth­er guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Alex

20-some­thing girl: And then she chlo­ro­formed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Russ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Keep It Rail

Con­duc­tor: Ladies in gen­tle­men, we would be mov­ing, but there’s a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hog­ging all the cus­tomers at 59th St.

–4 Ex­press Train

Over­heard by: Lex­ing­ton

Con­duc­tor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this sta­tion, so if you are look­ing for any­thing, don’t get off the train, coz it’s not gonna be there.

–Down­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: Donz

Con­duc­tor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: will it help if I put two hands up?

Con­duc­tor: Do not get on this train. It is not tak­ing any pas­sen­gers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.

–Ford­ham Rd, Bronx

Over­heard by: The next train is­n’t for an hour and I’m al­ready late.

Con­duc­tor: At­ten­tion, pas­sen­gers… You can­not use chem­i­cal sol­vents on the train.

–NJ Tran­sit

Con­duc­tor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gor­geous day! Why not take ad­van­tage of one of New York City’s many fine out­door eater­ies. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog ven­dor? Hot dog ven­dor: “What’s it go­ing to be, bud­dy?” Monk: “Make me one with every­thing”! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an en­light­ened day!

–F Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Still Miss the Croc­o­dile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It’s not like he’s gone and, y’­know, res­cu­ing chee­tahs…


Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, peo­ple and bus­es.

–Man­hat­tan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, hon­ey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It’s 30% off, right?

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Sub­way drum­mer: This next one is called “moose call.” it goes, “yo, moose!” (pause) Hey, I did­n’t write it, I just made it pop­u­lar.

–Shut­tle to Times Square

Over­heard by: Me­dia ad­dict

French man: It’s like do­ing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Is­land City

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, in a Nut­shell.

Man in car at stop­light on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a tow­el for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I cov­ered my nuts. So I run down the stairs cov­er­ing my nuts with a tow­el be­cause I knew where the smoke was com­ing from!

–127th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheel­chair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2nd St & Ave C

Over­heard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where’s Howie? Where’s my fa­vorite nut-nut?

–Han­son Place

Over­heard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while rid­ing bi­cy­cle: It’s hang­ing off your nuts?


Mom 20-some­thing daugh­ter head­ing to Penn Sta­tion: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7th Ave & 34th St

Over­heard by: Just don’t grab my nuts

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Me­ters Are Run­ning

Girl to boy: You’re just up­set that I kicked you out with­out shoes, and I did­n’t give you cab fare.

–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave

Guy, af­ter cab splashed wa­ter on him: That cab just jizzed on me!

–Broad­way & Ea­ger­ly

Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the sub­way. Just for the ex­pe­ri­ence. Don’t take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled peo­ple.

–M23 bus

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Girl, yelling in­to win­dow of off-du­ty taxi: Fine! We’re wait­ing for the cash cab any­way!

–3rd & Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: Heather