Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

Why DVD Rentals Are So Pop­u­lar

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweet­ie?
Lit­tle girl in stall: I can’t but­ton my pants.
Mom: It’s al­right. Just come on out.
Lit­tle girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

–Bath­room, AMC The­atres, Times Square

Way to Raise Your Kid to Be a To­tal Drag.

Lit­tle boy, watch­ing teen girl smok­ing: Why are peo­ple al­ways smok­ing cig­a­rettes?
Dad: Be­cause they are ad­dic­tive. That is why dad­dy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will hap­pen to her if she does­n’t quit?
Lit­tle boy: Well, first you’ll get re­al­ly sick. And then you’ll die. (pause) And then you’ll be dead!

–15th St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: No­ra Claire

Wednes­day-One-Lin­er and Dis­or­der­ly

Stu­dent: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.

–Mid­dle School Dance, Span­ish Harlem

Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Cen­tral Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first in­to a chair: Don’t wor­ry about him, he’s just drunk.

–In­di­an Road Cafe, In­wood

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–Uni­ver­si­ty & 9th St

Hard to Imag­ine Heav­en with­out Cheese

Moth­er: Shit, girl. You ain’t get­ting no more cheese for the rest of eter­ni­ty if I got any­thing to do with it.
Young girl, cry­ing: I hope I die.
Moth­er: Well, when you die, heav­en help you, they know you lac­tose in­tol­er­ant up there, too. So no fun­ny stuff, un­der­stand?

–B63 bus, Park Slope

Over­heard by: John Proc­tor

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh