Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

…Fer­rag­amo?

Four-year-old girl: Look at my new purse.
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, so?
Four-year-old girl: It’s Pra­da.
Six-year-old boy: I don’t think that’s a Pra­da purse.
Four-year-old girl: But it’s pink…
Six-year-old boy: Yeah, but I don’t think that makes it Pra­da.
Four-year-old girl (very sad­ly): Oh.

–Hen­ry St & Pier­re­pont St, Brook­lyn Heights

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

…Away from Wit­ness­es

Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skate­board: Moooooooom! Go in­si­i­i­i­ide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neigh­bor: Did he just tell me to go in­side the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come in­side the house!

–Mon­roe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Some­thing

Lit­tle kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghet­to mom: Shut up! You can’t see no moon when the sun out. Sit down ‘fore I bust yo lit­tle ass!
Lit­tle kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice old­er la­dy to kid: You’re right, hon­ey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright be­cause of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghet­to mom: That bitch lyin’!

–A Train

Over­heard by: in­no­cent mta cus­tomer

Above the Av­er­age Would Be Luck­i­er

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Lit­tle boy: No! I hate ba­nana!
Mom: You do not; you were beg­ging me for ba­nana on Sun­day. Fine. Turkey ba­con, then.
Lit­tle boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Noth­ing for you. Say, “OK, Mom­my.”
Lit­tle boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mom­my.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Kate Lane

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in Smell-O-Vi­sion

Hip­ster girl: I’d rather face the stig­ma of buy­ing fem­i­nine hy­giene prod­ucts than face the stig­ma of hav­ing a stinky hoo-ha.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: agreed

Girl: Re­mem­ber Di­ana? Stinky Di­ana? She’s back, and she’s get­ting mar­ried.

–West 47th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Pe­ter G

Chick: If I’m go­ing to play beer pong, I need to be fra­grant.

–Sam­my’s, 11th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: McF

Lit­tle boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels!

–5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope

Voice on in­ter­com: The Chil­dren’s Sec­tion is closed due to… that smell.

–NY Pub­lic Li­brary, East 96th St

Over­heard by: Di­ane

Chick: So, did you smell your toi­let pa­per?

–Mo­MA cafe

Over­heard by: Sweet­tart