Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners

Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!

–14th & University

Overheard by: Manhattman

Young Kid: New York is ugly!

–JFK

Overheard by: Latoya Siratana

Wise teen girl: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: walking the bridge

Giggling little girl in stroller: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!

–Downtown R train

Older woman to complete stranger: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!

–Fairway, W 73rd St

Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…

B&T guy: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.

–Lower East Side

Looks Like Disney's Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him

Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse.

–8th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Must not be from the village

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!

–Central Park

Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.

–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: This girl from NY