Little boy: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! (points at bus with excitement)
Young dad: Close buddy, close. “Bus.”
–77th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ali
Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
The Rocky Horror Mother Goose Ruined My Whole Generation
Girl: I had a wonderful childhood. (looks at photos of a child)
Boy: Yeah? I fuckin’ had to listen to Tim Curry narrating nursery rhymes… That’s terrifying.
–Pier 92
He’s Moonwalked Out Of the Babysitting Business, Hon
Woman #1: I wouldn’t mind Michael Jackson looking after my kids.
Woman #2: Two words: child molester.
Woman #1: Two words: Not guilty.
–1 Train
Son of the Moongoloid
Toddler boy: Look, Daddy! The airport!
Dad: That’s the moon, Milo.
–86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Claire Keaveney
Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait
Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I’m afraid of the power of my own vagina.
–1 Train
Overheard by: westchester girl
Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom’s vagina.
–New York Harbor
Overheard by: Barry P.
Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Highstein
Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Very large black man: My penis’ jus’ as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)
–A Train
What’s a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?
Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There’s no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Creeped out.
Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Katie
Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagina Whisperer.”
–Moe’s Bar. Brooklyn
Guy hitting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do something weird… I’ll pour honey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour butter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the butter off your back with it!
–1 Train
Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beautiful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.
–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn
My Bitch’s Ass is Hot and Bruised, Son
Mom: Come here, put on your coat.
Little girl: I don’t wanna wear that stupid coat.
Mom: Hey, be nice. Be a good little girl. It’s cold as a bitch’s ass out here…you need your coat.
–Pierrepont Playground, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: iiams
…Says the Kid Who Ordered the “Banana Volcano Explosion”?
Kid #1: You don’t wanna get a sample of ice cream? Well, that’s cause you’re gay!
Kid #2: Are you sure I’m gay?
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: TW
‘Cause If It Is, I’ve Got Plans!
College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!
–FAO Schwartz
