Archive for the ‘Kink’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers En­joy Team Sports

20-some­thing guy on Black­Ber­ry: No, he’s not gay. I was in a five­some with him, but he’s not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend af­ter walk­ing in­to gay bar: Dude, ei­ther find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he’s okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

An­gry woman on phone: While you’re out hav­ing or­gies I am do­ing the re­al work!

–Vic­to­ri­an Flat­bush

Pre­ten­tious pro­fes­sor type in aca­d­e­m­ic tone: My ex had un­re­al­is­tic fan­tasies. She used to dream about be­ing fucked by God and Sa­tan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Hey, Wednes­day, Your One-Lin­er Is Show­ing!

Mid­dle-aged woman, an­gri­ly on cell: You tell him to go out­side right now, and take his clothes off!

–32nd St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: djlori

Girl to friend: All of a sud­den there’s a naked man! Like, this does­n’t trans­late well vi­su­al­ly.

–Up­town 1 Train

Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?

–60th St & Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Stacey V

Girl on phone: Top­less an­ar­chy is still an­ar­chy, man.

–5 Train

Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

What’s a Nice Wednes­day Like You Do­ing in a One-Lin­er Like This?

Creep­ster to woman with child en­ter­ing train: You can sit here. There’s no rea­son to be stand­ing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much bet­ter when you were stand­ing.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got to­geth­er, we could make the next Oba­ma.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagi­na Whis­per­er.”

–Moe’s Bar. Brook­lyn

Guy hit­ting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do some­thing weird… I’ll pour hon­ey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the clos­et and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour but­ter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the but­ter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Old­er fat man yelling at at­trac­tive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beau­ti­ful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.

–Broad­way & Hewes, Brook­lyn

And I In­sist Up­on Shar­ing All the De­tails of Our Love with You…Son

Thug #1: Your mom is a la­dy, bro.
Thug #2: I don’t want to hear no more of this shit. Go fuck her in the ass. Go fuck her in the ear. I don’t want to hear it.
Thug #1: No, dawg. She a WOMAN.
Thug #2: Fuck you, I said stop­pit.
Thug #1: I know you smart. I know you smart. But she is a la­dy.

–61st and CPW

Over­heard by: Lau­ren Michelle

I’d pre­fer if you just held me, like all the oth­er times

Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I’m freaked out.

–23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: Zed

Head­line by: tab

Run­ners-Up:
· “But That’s Just The Acid. Have A Seat!” — Lalaith
· “But Not Suf­fi­cient­ly So to De­cline Your Gen­er­ous Of­fer” — andy
· “Dad, Im Get­ting to Old for That!!” — not again!
· “Go Home, Brit­ney.” — EKC
· “It Sucks to Be New York San­ta” — aileen
· “Please Go Back to Hump­ing My Leg.” — Den­nis
· “The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True…” — Uu­largh of the Prairie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

You’re Dream­ing If You Think They’re In­ter­est­ing

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has un­holy thoughts about Char­lie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about hav­ing sex with her fam­i­ly’s mini­van. And not hump­ing the side of it, ei­ther. We’re talk­ing full on, rid­ing the stick-shift sex. Hm­mm.
Chick #1: We run with an in­ter­est­ing crowd.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Djlindee