Archive for the ‘Kink’ Category

I’d pre­fer if you just held me, like all the oth­er times

Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I’m freaked out.

–23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: Zed

Head­line by: tab

· “But That’s Just The Acid. Have A Seat!” — Lalaith
· “But Not Suf­fi­cient­ly So to De­cline Your Gen­er­ous Of­fer” — andy
· “Dad, Im Get­ting to Old for That!!” — not again!
· “Go Home, Brit­ney.” — EKC
· “It Sucks to Be New York San­ta” — aileen
· “Please Go Back to Hump­ing My Leg.” — Den­nis
· “The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True…” — Uu­largh of the Prairie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

You’re Dream­ing If You Think They’re In­ter­est­ing

Chick #1: One of my friend’s moms has un­holy thoughts about Char­lie Rose.
Chick #2: One of my friends has dreams about hav­ing sex with her fam­i­ly’s mini­van. And not hump­ing the side of it, ei­ther. We’re talk­ing full on, rid­ing the stick-shift sex. Hm­mm.
Chick #1: We run with an in­ter­est­ing crowd.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Djlindee

Wednes­days Strap on Their One-Lin­ers

Woman walk­ing in­to apart­ment build­ing: Why did I get stuck car­ry­ing the bag of butt plugs?

–Green­point Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won’t die if you get stabbed by a dil­do. (pause) Well, even if it was a hook­er. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bush­wick Ave

Over­heard by: cameo

Homie on Black­Ber­ry; No, no, peep this, I said “cock ring” and she says, “like the guy from the OJ tri­al?” I’m dead se­ri­ous!

–Rock­afeller Plaza

At­trac­tive 20-some­thing to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pil­low Fight, Union Square

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wood­en dil­do. It was wood­en!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-some­thing girl: This is the most ex­cit­ing thing to hap­pen to­day! And that’s say­ing some­thing, con­sid­er­ing to­day was a day that in­clud­ed buy­ing sex toys!


Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Suit Up

Suit on cell: I ex­pect­ed pus, but it’s got lit­tle black specks in it.

–Pel­ham Bay Park, the Bronx

Over­heard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Moth­er Goose–not Miss Dirty Mar­ti­ni!

–F train

Over­heard by: brain­curve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kid­ney, no prob­lem.

–Madi­son Square Park

Fe­male suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hear­ing what I’m say­ing. I think you’re in a very nag­ging place right now.

–Du­ane & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Rich Mintz

Mid­dle-Aged suit: Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies. Boo­bies boo­bies boo­bies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be to­tal chaos on Sep­tem­ber 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue some­one.

–A train

Over­heard by: LSB

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Use the So­crat­ic Method

Co­lum­bia grad stu­dent: …de­vel­op­ing a re­al­ly spec­tac­u­lar
sense of in­tel­lec­tu­al ar­ro­gance.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Pro­fes­sor, re­ceiv­ing text mes­sage in class: Ooh. That’s in­ter­est­ing. In­vi­ta­tion to go danc­ing, not from my girl­friend. Thank God I’ve got per­mis­sion… We’re nev­er go­ing to get to any­thing to­day, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: Matthew K John­son

Chi­nese pro­fes­sor: You see Chi­nese like to­fu, you nev­er use it.

–John Jay Col­lege

Over­heard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I end­ed up in a dress. I don’t think Eng­lish class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Over­heard by: Natasha

Sadis­tic pro­fes­sor: Un­for­tu­nate­ly we don’t flog peo­ple any­more. You usu­al­ly pass out af­ter you fin­ish scream­ing.

–Ford­ham, the Bronx

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Drunk­en pre-med to drunk­en boy tee­ter­ing on a con­crete rail­ing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doc­tor yet!

–West Vil­lage, 8th & 14th

Over­heard by: an­nie

NYU girl to pro­fes­sor: So, if you’re sleep­ing with Ni­et­zsche, you should­n’t ask the ques­tion, “What are you think­ing?”

–NYU class­room, Mer­cer & Hous­ton

Drunk, Or Still Emerg­ing from the Anes­the­sia?

Con­duc­tor: May I see your tick­et, please?
Drunk tran­ny: I al­ready showed my tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tran­ny: What the fuck? I al­ready showed my damn tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: OK, calm down. Just show me your tick­et, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tran­ny: You are prob­a­bly a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the dis­re­spect I get. I am fuck­ing chang­ing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR