Archive for the ‘Knock-Offs’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Last Dance with Mary Jane

Pro­fes­sor: We will talk about the JDC–the Amer­i­can Jew­ish Joint Dis­tri­b­u­tion Com­mit­tee. And no, they were not dis­pens­ing mar­i­jua­na.

–Queens Col­lege

Over­heard by: Sha­niP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was sell­ing, and that bitch was like, “Ka­t­ri­na, for how much?” And I was like “Oh my god, mom, it does­n’t mat­ter how much the weed is go­ing for, all that mat­ters is the qual­i­ty!”

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: pene­lope

Ran­dom stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom’s house!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Rhi­an

Col­lege stu­dent on cell: Mom, you’ve got to stop smok­ing so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Ran­dom dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, al­co­hol, mar­i­jua­na, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Lag­ster

Street ven­dor: Pra­da bags, Louis Vuit­ton bags, Guc­ci bags, mar­i­jua­na bags… (every­one looks over at him) Hey, I got­ta make mon­ey some­how.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: mary jane

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

Woman, pick­ing up rub­ber ball, to em­ploy­ee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholas­tic Store, So­ho

Fresh­man girl: What do we, like, throw in the re­cy­cling bin?

–Leon M. Gold­stein High School

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Woman, de­scend­ing stairs on­to train plat­form: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: cu­ri­ous to know what else she was ex­pect­ing to see at a train sta­tion…

Ran­dom tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Sta­tion

As­tute shop­per: Do you take Du­ane Reade cards here?

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: fel­low cus­tomer

Guy on cell: Bagels with but­ter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: sarah­jane

Those who Boot­leg His­to­ry Are Doomed to Prof­it From It

20-some­thing Chi­nese guy: You know what? Chi­nese peo­ple dis­cov­ered Amer­i­ca.
20-some­thing Black guy: Bull­shit.
20-some­thing Chi­nese guy: It’s true! There’s an ar­ti­cle on CNN show­ing we dis­cov­ered Amer­i­ca, there are maps. Chi­nese were here first be­fore every­one else. Chi­nese peo­ple did every­thing be­fore every­one else. White peo­ple take cred­it for every­thing, but now it’s com­ing out that Chi­nese made all of these dis­cov­er­ies first. Don’t you see a pat­tern? We’re the shit.
20-some­thing Black guy: The on­ly pat­tern I see is that you moth­er­fuck­ers pi­rate and re­sell every DVD, and now you’re try­ing to boot­leg his­to­ry.


Over­heard by: Ricky

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer “Gen­tle­man Com­pan­ion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so over­rat­ed, ex­cept not re­al­ly be­cause I re­al­ly want one.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Guy: I don’t care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Over­heard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she’s in Ja­maica. How fucked up is that? She’s 20 and in Ja­maica with her boyfriend. I’m 25 and I’m stand­ing on a train next to you.


Art stu­dent: I wan­na write a di­ary, like, “8:45, kill boyfriend.”


Man on street sell­ing knock­off per­fume: C’­mon ladies, buy this per­fume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don’t get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap per­fume!

–34th & 7th

Over­heard by: Ki­ran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am on­ly hav­ing sex with one boyfriend.

–Mar­low & Sons

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call It “Di­rect Mar­ket­ing”

Guy sell­ing city maps, singing to beat of near­by mu­sic: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It’s not a trap!

–Cen­tral Park

Ghet­to guy sell­ing knock­off per­fumes on street: Don’t ask me where I got em’ from, just get em’ be­fore the po­lice come. I got DKNY, my ma­mi J.Lo… Get em’ folks! Get em’

–23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: Al­li

Street ven­dor to cus­tomer ex­am­in­ing knock­off purs­es: Hur­ry it up. I need mon­ey.

–Madi­son & 59th St

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer

Wannabe hip hop artist: Y’all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beau­ti­ful fore­head. Please buy my CD.

–Times Square

Guy hand­ing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagi­na?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Brett

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are a Re­al Steal

Street ven­dor, yelling: Any­one need coach purs­es? Any­one need stolen shit?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Sarah and An­drew

Black guy hold­ing purs­es: Yo! Who wants to buy some stolen shit? I got some nice stolen shit over here.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: A Lit­tle Too In­trigued

Man sell­ing boot­leg de­sign­er bags: Any­one want some stolen shit?

–45th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Claire

Yelling man ped­dling coun­ter­feit purs­es: Get your stolen shit! Every­one needs some stolen shit! It’s stolen in New York, so it still counts as be­ing from New York!

–Time Square

Thug hold­ing hand­bags: Who want some stolen shit? I’m not gonna lie in 2009. I got Dolce & Ga­ban­na and Louis Vuit­ton. Who want some stolen shit?

–Times Square