Lady #1: My god, look at you! Just had a baby and you’re so skinny!
Lady #2: Well, I don’t eat anything.
–Hearst Cafeteria
Overheard by: Is THAT the trick?
Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category
I Keep Letting Them Bite
30-ish lady #1: Did you talk to your therapist about bedbugs?
30-ish lady #2: I only talk to my therapist about bedbugs.
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: K
He’s Back. And This Time, He’s Fabulous!
Woman #1: How old do you think I am?
Woman #2: I don’t know…
Woman #1: I’m 46.
Woman #2: 46? Really? You look so young!
Woman #1: That’s Jesus.
–Fresco Tortilla, 52nd & 9th
After Crossing the Canadian Border, the Queen Began Behaving Erratically and Quarrelling with Prince Philip
Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.
–Veselka, 9th & 2nd
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
That’s the One With the High Kicking, Right?
American lady: I saw you trying to get ahead of me.
Russian lady: No, no I didn’t.
American lady: Oh yes, you did. You were trying to pull that Russian two-step on me!
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
What Do You Know About Superstring Theory?
Woman #1: You know, when I remember my childhood, I realize that my family was really complicated; my father and uncle were always fighting… Actually, my uncle tried to shoot my father once -
Woman #2: Wait, what?
Woman #1: Listen, that’s not the complicated part.
–Westside Brewery, Upper West Side
Overheard by: vitupera
75% of Mommy Was Bought with Money
Rich mommy: Daddy works in money. Money is very important. Money buys ice cream cones and sandals.
Little girl: [Nods.]
–73rd & Amsterdam
I Don’t Know English, I’m American
Spinster #1: How do they pronounce it in French ‘Oh Bow Pain’?
Spinster #2: Well, it is French and you pronounce ‘Au Bon Pain’.
Spinster #1: I don’t know French; I’m Spanish.
–Au Bon Pain, Union Square
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Insert “Sucky Movie” Headline Here
Blond lady who lunches #1: What the fuck is it with the kids these days and their fucking vampires?
Blond lady who lunches #2: Fucking Twilight.
–Madison Avenue
Overheard by: LES girl trying not to laugh
PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners
HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.
–E train
Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.
–Small diner, Chinatown
Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Gigi
Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.
–Rue 57, 57th & 6th
Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!
–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?
Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?
