Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category

Af­ter Cross­ing the Cana­di­an Bor­der, the Queen Be­gan Be­hav­ing Er­rat­i­cal­ly and Quar­relling with Prince Philip

Old la­dy #1: Well, we had al­ready put ten thou­sand in the bank, so the Feds did­n’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old la­dy #2: Oh, good. Will that cov­er the cost of the lawyer?
Old la­dy #1: His High­ness does­n’t want one.

–Vesel­ka, 9th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Cpt. Kate

What Do You Know About Su­per­string The­o­ry?

Woman #1: You know, when I re­mem­ber my child­hood, I re­al­ize that my fam­i­ly was re­al­ly com­pli­cat­ed; my fa­ther and un­cle were al­ways fight­ing… Ac­tu­al­ly, my un­cle tried to shoot my fa­ther once -
Woman #2: Wait, what?
Woman #1: Lis­ten, that’s not the com­pli­cat­ed part.

–West­side Brew­ery, Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: vi­tu­pera

PE­TA-Ap­proved Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be sur­prised how many veg­e­tar­i­ans are in­to meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eat­ing sal­ad: Veg­e­tar­i­ans should be evo­lu­tion­ar­i­ly pun­ished.

–Small din­er, Chi­na­town

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the rea­son he does­n’t like oral sex is be­cause he’s ve­g­an? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pret­ty sure that’s it.

–112th, be­tween Broad­way & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Gi­gi

Cougar din­ing with pals: I’m an an­i­mal-lover, so I’m go­ing to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Veg­e­tar­i­ans have bet­ter sex!

–F/V train stop, Hous­ton & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: So, no hot beef in­jec­tion?

Woman hand­ing out leaflets for ve­g­an­ism: Come on, come on! Ve­g­ans have bet­ter sex! No, re­al­ly — try me!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: What is she try­ing to sell here?