Archive for the ‘LaGuardia Airport’ Category

You Can Tell By His ‘I Really Heart New York’ Hat

Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That’s terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he’s, like, really from New York. 

–LaGuardia Airport

All Wednesday One-Liners Over Six Ounces Will Be Confiscated

[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger

Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.

–United Flight

Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.

–LaGuardia Airport

Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.

–JFK Runway

Overheard by: cms

Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!

–Jet Blue JFK

Which Is My Default Answer for All Issues Involving Men

50-something woman to coworker at Burger King: And he said, “Why you always coming in here, dressed up like you’re at the beach? What is that?” And I was like, “Yeah, please, put me on a real beach, in like Dominican Republic or something.“
Coworker: He probably just wanted to see you in your bikini.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: … But I know I wouldn’t

And the Forty?

TSA employee to people in line: All liquids and gels are prohibited beyond this point. Dispose of them now.
Four-year-old boy to father: Aw, man! Does that mean I have to get rid of my pimp juice?

–LaGuardia

Above the Average Would Be Luckier

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Little boy: No! I hate banana!
Mom: You do not; you were begging me for banana on Sunday. Fine. Turkey bacon, then.
Little boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Nothing for you. Say, “OK, Mommy.”
Little boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mommy.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kate Lane 

Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: chris

Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.

–LaGuardia

Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.

–41st & 7th