Archive for the ‘LaGuardia Airport’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to an­oth­er: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Car­roll, Park Slope

Girl: I’m re­al­ly tired. I’m, like, an an­i­mal ac­tivist right now.

–Park­ing Lot, Broad­way Mall

Over­heard by: Lysa

Stu­dent: I’m not that sen­si­tive. I can watch those videos where they like, tor­ture the an­i­mal or what­ev­er, and then I’ll go eat it.

–Car­do­zo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Pan­da?

–NYU Din­ing Hall

Co­lum­bia girl: I’d nev­er have asked if I knew he was the one who’d killed it. But I did­n’t sus­pect him. Who’d spend their time stran­gling a ger­bil?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Who’d have thought?

Gui­do to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Sta­tion

La­dy on speak­er: If you have an an­i­mal, please do not put it through the X‑ray.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Mau­ry Povich Says You’re the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by him­self, and the sad­dest thing is… the sad­dest thing is this guy’s dad is even ugli­er than our dad!

–Wa­ver­ly Place b/w Mer­cer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about hump­ing your fa­ther’s feet!

–Pres­i­dent & Co­lum­bia

[Be­fore the start of the NYC pil­low fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my dad­dy! [Hits peo­ple with his pil­low.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?

–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been de­layed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m call­ing you “dad­dy”. No: “big dad­dy”. Yeah, hey big dad­dy…

–US Air­ways Ter­mi­nal, La­guardia Air­port

Lit­tle girl point­ing at a griz­zly bear: Dad­dy! Dad­dy!

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Crotch­less Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G‑strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Sales­girl: Do you want your boo­bies up or down?

–Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret, Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: Lin­da

Woman: I told Ter­rence not to pack that stuff in my car­ry-on. Se­cu­ri­ty threw out all my Vic­to­ria Se­crets!

–Star­bucks, La Guardia air­port

Over­heard by: Al­lears

Girl: On­ly fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some ma­ter­ni­ty un­der­wear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Over­heard by: deadze­bra

Man: Are you a Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house un­less you’re go­ing to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Over­heard by: blk­girl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret. Can you re­im­burse me? Dad?

–Broad­way & Prince St

Over­heard by: djin­go

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fade to Black

Slight­ly drunk kid from Alas­ka: I re­al­ized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sis­ter.

–14th St

Over­heard by: The Rev­erend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him chok­ing you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apol­o­gize at least? (pause) Ya know, it’s not okay to get so fucked up that you don’t know that he’s chok­ing you.

–Max Cafe

Over­heard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don’t even wor­ry about hit­ting on her too much, she was to­tal­ly blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Over­heard by: bildita

Prep­py girl: Is “faint” a eu­phemism for “bon­er”?

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Di­ana