Archive for the ‘Language Barrier’ Category

Yet An­oth­er Draw­back of Ab­sti­nence-On­ly Ed­u­ca­tion

White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Mus­lim, so don’t piss them off. Mus­lims don’t care if they die be­cause then they’ll get 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: It’s not 72 vir­gins, it’s 45 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #2: I thought it was 40 vir­gins.
White guy: But a Mus­lim per­son told me that it was 72 vir­gins.
Mus­lim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 vir­gins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 vir­gins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.

–MetroTech, Lawrence St

Over­heard by: Jan­nine Ram­lochan

First-Come, First-Served Is a Pre­text for Dis­crim­i­na­tion!

[A woman cre­ates her own line and walks up to the counter.]Postal em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, you have to wait in line.
Lati­no woman: I was in the es­s­press line.
Postal em­ploy­ee: We don’t serve espres­so here ma’am, this is the post of­fice.
Lati­no woman: What? You think I’m stoopid? I have less than ten items.
Postal em­ploy­ee: There is no ex­press line at the post of­fice, please wait in line like the oth­er peo­ple.
Lati­no woman: Oh… I see how it is.
Postal em­ploy­ee: Hap­py hol­i­days, ma’am.
Lati­no woman: Fuck you too.

–Post Of­fice, 14th Street & Av­enue A

Over­heard by: tex­mor­gan

What’s Your Sign, Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Young man to pret­ty girl with glass­es eat­ing hot dog: That hot dog match­es your beau­ti­ful glass­es!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Over­heard by: gothchick

Dude to girls cross­ing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Lu­dow & Stan­ton

Over­heard by: M & J

Guy to girl pass­ing by: El sexy‑o! I know how to say it in Span­ish, I wan­na know how to say it in Cau­casian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beau­ty. Cuz you know vanil­la and choco­late make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Bro stand­ing in side­walk, ha­rass­ing pass­ing girls: Hel­lo! I’ve been wait­ing all my life for you! Hel­lo, where have you been all my life? Hel­lo, I eat pussy. Hel­lo, I’ve got mon­ey. Hel­lo?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Wine and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent on cell: Sor­ry, there was an in­ci­dent. She was eat­ing string cheese, and I told her she looked like a wal­rus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she could­n’t, and I ran in­to the bath­room. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.

–Penn Sta­tion

Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the mi­crowave. Yeah, in the wrap­per.

–57th & 7th

Sexy guy, look­ing at or­ches­tra pro­gram de­scrip­tion of move­ment “con brio”: Does that mean “with cheese”?

–Cam­er­a­ta Not­tur­na Con­cert, W. 57th St

Over­heard by: La­dle

Old­er Eu­ro­pean woman to an­oth­er: She’s fine with the ref­er­ence to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the re­al kind.

–Union Square

Hip­ster: So she writes every­thing down in her cheese di­ary…

–Bed­ford & 4th

Dear Di­ary, Reynolds Ad­mit­ted He Loves Me To­day! Well, Al­most.

Girl: Why don’t you ever in­vite me to the dorms?
Guy: ‘Cause if you wan­na come, you should ask.
Girl: Well, do you want me to come over?
Guy: If I don’t have to study, yeah.
Girl: Well then you should in­vite me!
Guy: Why?
Girl: ‘Cause it would make me hap­py!
Guy: What the hell do I care?
Girl: Well, you would­n’t go down on me if you did­n’t want me to be at least pleased.
Guy: That…is prob­a­bly the best ar­gu­ment you could have made.
Girl: I’m so glad no one speaks Eng­lish on this train.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg