Archive for the ‘Languages’ Category

And, by the Way, ‘Gram­mat­i­cal­ly Cor­rect­ly’ Is Need­less­ly Re­dun­dant

Bel­liger­ent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be try­ing!
Bel­liger­ent white woman: You should speak gra­mat­i­cal­ly cor­rect­ly!
Smar­tass: “I be try­ing” is­n’t un­gram­mat­i­cal. It’s stan­dard us­age in African-Amer­i­can ver­nac­u­lar Eng­lish.
Bel­liger­ent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smar­tass: I have a Ph.D. in lin­guis­tics from MIT.

–A train

If You’re So Smart, Ex­plain the Wax

Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you set­tle some­thing? Is Por­tu­gal in Eu­rope or South Amer­i­ca?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Eu­rope.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Por­tuguese they speak in South Amer­i­ca — that’s not the same lan­guage as they speak in South Amer­i­ca, right?
Smart guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, it is. Brazil was set­tled by the Por­tuguese, and the Span­ish got the rest of South Amer­i­ca, which is why they speak Span­ish in the oth­er coun­tries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his ge­og­ra­phy class!

–Ex­o­dus Gym, Union & Met­ro­pol­i­tan, Williams­burg

“I Said Cof­fee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was try­ing to be so nice to her, but this woman was just hor­ri­ble.
Cashier #2: What hap­pened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she want­ed a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smil­ing and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Ital­ian.”

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Tow­er of Bab­ble

Kid: I speak sev­en dif­fer­ent lan­guages.
Mom: The on­ly lan­guage you speak is Stu­pid.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Susspect

Head­line by: Matt Hig­gins


· “And your Man­darin is con­ver­sa­tion­al at best” — Greg Costel­lo

· “Bar­bara Bush reach­es her tip­ping point.” — Sab­ri­na

· “But I got the Vile Cunt ac­cent from you , mom.” — Chuck Roast

· “Kill his con­fi­dence so you don’t have to pay for Har­vard” — Kristin

· “Ob­vi­ous­ly, it’s his “Moth­er Tongue”” — Big Lar­ry

· “The wit of your re­ply has left me aghast and inar­tic­u­late, moth­er” — Grin­ning Id­iot

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