Man #1: See, there’s the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell’s that?
Man #2: I think it’s Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?
–JetBlue plane, JFK
Overheard by: beth devlin
Archive for the ‘Languages’ Category
They Don’t Really Speak That Anywhere
Guy #1: Uno mas.
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: Uno mas means once more. Don’t they speak Mexican in Michigan?
Guy #2: Hell no.
–Office, West 28th Street
Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
Either That or a Dance Step
Teenage girl #1: What did he say?
Teenage girl #2: He just texted me back “touché”. Everyone always says that, what does that mean anyway?
Teenage girl #1: Ummm…I think it’s like “true that!”
–Nail Salon, Park Slope
When He Talked About Her “Flat,” She Assumed He Was Making Disparaging Comments About Her Chest
Frustrated woman laying out: Actually, no, he didn’t say he would call me, he said he would “ring” me.
Indignant friend: What an asshole! Like seriously, you’re not British!
–Sheep Meadow
Overheard by: Henry Higgins
And, by the Way, ‘Grammatically Correctly’ Is Needlessly Redundant
Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.
–A train
Gadzooks! Wednesday One-liners!
Queer: I am going to learn Aramaic so Jesus can understand me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lynn Casey
Of a Sort
American tourist #1: Wow, your English is really good!
Scottish tourist: Um, thank you.
American tourist #2: Yes, it’s really very good. You sound like a native speaker. What language do you normally speak in Scotland, anyway?
Scottish tourist: English.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: rachel
What If They Just Stay Home?
Tween #1: Yo, you should go out with her!
Tween #2: She gon’ shit in yo mouf!
–67th Ave & 164th St, Queens
Overheard by: someone who’s not into that kind of thing
If You’re So Smart, Explain the Wax
Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you settle something? Is Portugal in Europe or South America?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Europe.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Portuguese they speak in South America — that’s not the same language as they speak in South America, right?
Smart guy: Actually, it is. Brazil was settled by the Portuguese, and the Spanish got the rest of South America, which is why they speak Spanish in the other countries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his geography class!
–Exodus Gym, Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg
