Archive for the ‘Languages’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

And, by the Way, ‘Grammatically Correctly’ Is Needlessly Redundant

Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.

–A train

If You’re So Smart, Explain the Wax

Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you settle something? Is Portugal in Europe or South America?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Europe.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Portuguese they speak in South America — that’s not the same language as they speak in South America, right?
Smart guy: Actually, it is. Brazil was settled by the Portuguese, and the Spanish got the rest of South America, which is why they speak Spanish in the other countries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his geography class!

–Exodus Gym, Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg