Queer: I am going to learn Aramaic so Jesus can understand me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lynn Casey
Archive for the ‘Languages’ Category
Of a Sort
American tourist #1: Wow, your English is really good!
Scottish tourist: Um, thank you.
American tourist #2: Yes, it’s really very good. You sound like a native speaker. What language do you normally speak in Scotland, anyway?
Scottish tourist: English.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: rachel
What If They Just Stay Home?
Tween #1: Yo, you should go out with her!
Tween #2: She gon’ shit in yo mouf!
–67th Ave & 164th St, Queens
Overheard by: someone who’s not into that kind of thing
If You’re So Smart, Explain the Wax
Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you settle something? Is Portugal in Europe or South America?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Europe.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Portuguese they speak in South America — that’s not the same language as they speak in South America, right?
Smart guy: Actually, it is. Brazil was settled by the Portuguese, and the Spanish got the rest of South America, which is why they speak Spanish in the other countries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his geography class!
–Exodus Gym, Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg
All That Means Is That It’s after He Went Adult Contemporary
Hipster #1 listening to Arabic music: Is this Sting?
Hipster #2: They aren’t even speaking English!
–Le Rendez-Vous Cafe
Overheard by: Pete
Isn’t It One of the Words on the Statue Of Liberty?
Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Guy
That’s Just What They’ll Tell You When You Try to Ask for Directions
Little girl: Grandma, do people actually live in New York City?
Grandma: Yes, lots of people live in New York City.
Little girl, confused: But… don’t they all not speak American?
Grandma: You’re right, most of them speak Spanish.
–Penn Station
“I Said Coffee!”
Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was trying to be so nice to her, but this woman was just horrible.
Cashier #2: What happened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she wanted a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smiling and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Italian.”
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Tower of Babble
Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Susspect
Headline by: Matt Higgins
Runners-Up:
· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” — Greg Costello
· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” — Sabrina
· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” — Chuck Roast
· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” — Kristin
· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” — Big Larry
· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” — Grinning Idiot
If You Don’t Get It, Ask an Appeaser
Professor lady: What is your favorite fruit?
Girl #1: J’aime manger les pommes.
Girl #2: Isn’t the rule if it grows underground it’s a vegetable?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
