Archive for the ‘Laptop’ Category

Be­ware Of Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like “You’re a frig­gin douche!” (paus­es and looks in bag) Fuck! My ass­hole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It’s every­where! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Over­heard by: Ha­ha­ha­haaaaa

Passer­by to young woman ty­ing up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to moth­er: And then I said, “Oh, Shi­htzu!”

–Hous­ton & Or­chard

Over­heard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don’t want to com­pare her to a dog. But, I just don’t want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Over­heard by: aman­da

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watch­ing hot Lati­na: Woof! (pause) Sor­ry ba­by, it’s just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to fe­male friend: I don’t know that dogs are de­li­cious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broad­way & Cham­bers St

Over­heard by: Car­olyn S

Girl, point­ing at Dachs­hunds: Look, Chi­huahuas!

–Win­ter Gar­dens

Die, Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Scum!

Male yup­pie to fe­male yup­pie: So mil­fs are to­tal­ly in right now.

–Star­bucks

Over­heard by: Loli­ta

20-some­thing male yup­pie, sur­round­ed with Star­bucks cof­fee con­tain­ers and yelling at lap­top: It took you six fuck­ing min­utes to get to the fuck­ing page! Rawwwr! I’m go­ing to rip you apart, you stu­pid fuck­ing com­put­er! Rawwr!

–Star­bucks

Yup­pie-hip­ster mom, to sob­bing tod­dler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.

–Metro-North

Over­heard by: It’s be­cause those hemp di­a­pers you make her wear chafe like hell.

Yup­pie woman: This is like the Third World!

–8th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sam Chalek

Thug Air Flight At­ten­dants Will Cut a Bitch

Thugette flight at­ten­dant, yelling as plane is about to take off: Sir! Turn off yo lap­top!
Suit: (holds cord to show it’s not plugged in)
Thugette flight at­ten­dant: Uh-uh! I can see the re­flec­tion in yo glass­es.
Suit: (takes off head­phones)
Thugette flight at­ten­dant: I saaaaid I can see the re­flec­tion in yo glass­es, turn yo lap­top off, turn it off, turn it oooooooooooooff!
Suit: (shuts lap­top)

–Small Com­muter Plane Leav­ing JFK

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just Playin’

Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the oth­er per­son un­wit­ting­ly look at your gen­i­tals.

–106th & Am­s­ter­dam

Ghet­to kid to friend: If I was in the mid­dle of sex, I would say I’ll come back to you lat­er, play in the pok­er game, and then come back and bust that nut.

–9th St & 8th Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Rah­stah

Work­er to part­ner: You know what I’m go­ing to do since I don’t have to work to­mor­row? I’m go­ing to turn the vol­ume on my lap­top all the way up and play pin­ball un­til 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping!

–69th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: 6th Floor Blog­ger

Hip­ster girl on cell: I’m go­ing home to eat and re­lax first, and then I’ll be over to play Trop­i­cal Bar­bie bin­go.

–Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brook­lyn

Group of lit­tle girls to lit­tle boy: Wan­na play Mor­mon fam­i­ly with us?

–Brook­lyn Botan­ic Gar­den

Over­heard by: James

“So That’s What I Ate for Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Skin­ny, at­trac­tive 20-some­thing: Yeah, that’s to­tal­ly my plan: Get com­plete­ly smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.

–E. 84th b/w 1st & York

Over­heard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)

Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s of­fice so I can on­ly talk for a lit­tle while. Oh no, I’m still not feel­ing bet­ter, I was up all night vom­it­ing like crazy and I’m still ridicu­lous­ly gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doc­tor be­cause I al­so have con­stant di­ar­rhea. Oh George…

–M66 Bus

Over­heard by: Stephanie

Drunk guy: It was in­cred­i­ble. He puked and then he just dis­ap­peared. I’ve nev­er seen any­thing like it. He was like the Criss An­gel of puk­ing.

–Out­side Lom­bardi’s

Over­heard by: Rich

Girl stum­bling back from the bath­room: You guys, we have to leave be­cause I threw up all over the floor and some­one saw me.

–Ho­rus

NYU un­der­grad: So we were go­ing to have an in­ter­ven­tion for her, but when we went to her room, she was­n’t there. So in­stead we wrote on her lap­top, “I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up.”

–8th & Uni­ver­si­ty