Archive for the ‘Latinos’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Feel a Lot Bet­ter Now

Guy to friends: A girl fart­ed on my head once, and I dat­ed her for three years.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: MC

Woman to friend: And then he fart­ed in my mouth.

–Ding Dong Lounge

Over­heard by: Ros­alind

Hobo, fart­ing loud­ly, turn­ing at girl walk­ing be­hind him: That’s for you, you fuck­ing bitch!

–Yel­low Line Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Craigalanche

Lati­na on cell, firm­ly: I’m not bi-cu­ri­ous, I’m just fart-cu­ri­ous

–49th & 5th

Over­heard by: ol­ga

Crazy hobo: Once, I was eat­ing Crack­er Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I fin­ished the box, I fart­ed in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week lat­er, I got the sur­prise of my life!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: nel­la

More Like Fist­ing Them, Re­al­ly

Lati­na: You like to dance?
Prep­py guy: Yeah.
Lati­na: The girls here are re­al­ly easy. I can in­tro­duce you to some that will let you touch their pussies.
Prep­py guy: Um­mm. I’m en­gaged.
Lati­na: That’s okay. My hus­band’s over there danc­ing with them right now.

–El­dridge St

Over­heard by: David

Lit­tle Did He Know Her Cred­it Came With Ze­ro In­ter­est

His­pan­ic guy, not­ing hot chick passer­by: Hey, ba­by.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
His­pan­ic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stop­ping: I’ll give you some cred­it for that one…but fuck off. (con­tin­ues walk­ing)

–50th & 9th

Over­heard by: passer­by

Head­line by: ddv

Run­ners-Up:
· “A Drama­ti­za­tion Of Citibank’s Cred­it Pro­to­col” — No­Cre­d­it
· “But…I Would Have Tak­en You to 4th Meal!” — Mad­dy
· “How Many Cred­its Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?” — mark
· “It Was a Bad Day To For­get That He Was Wear­ing a Sports Bra” — Nick Pol­lot­ta
· “Matthew Mc­Conaugh­ey Fi­nal­ly Gets Some Cred.…” — Rain­danceRichard
· “Next Time He Won’t Give a Shirt” — Sim Etrias
· “Raleigh Gets the Old “Fuck Ye” From Eliz­a­beth Yet Again” — Lau­reen

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Dog: Um, I’ll Just Stay Here, Thanks

His­pan­ic dude, about large Pit­bull: Yo, this nig­ga is the one! I’­ma take this nig­ga home with me!
Girl­friend, about ad­ja­cent dog: I like this one!
His­pan­ic dude: Bitch, fuck you! I’­ma take the dog and leave you here! Put you in the dog cage, take this nig­ga home!

–An­i­mal Care and Con­trol, Adopt­able Dog Ward

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

She Was Quite Mod­est about It, Too

Teeny­bop­per #1: Ugh… I hate those over­ly-proud His­pan­ics!
Teeny­bop­per #2: They dri­ve me in­sane! They’re like, ‘Oh my god, Pa­pi, 100 per­cent Boricua! Hol­la at me!‘
Teeny­bop­per #1: Why can’t they speak good Eng­lish?
His­pan­ic woman: I be­lieve you mean to say, ‘Why can’t they speak Eng­lish well?‘
Teen boy: Owned!

–L train

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing to my­self

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call the Hot­line Every Week

Teen girl, de­spair­ing­ly: If they ever find out a way to bring peo­ple back to life, I’m go­ing to kill my­self!

–14th St Sub­way Plat­form

Over­heard by: yonc­to

Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stu­pid things about how you want to stab your­self in the heart. It’s in­con­sid­er­ate.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Hip­ster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was go­ing to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a build­ing.

–City Col­lege

Over­heard by: Damn Right!

Guy on cell: You took them with al­co­hol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just sui­cide.

–El­e­va­tor, Saks Fifth Ave

Old wait­ress: Were you here the time Jim­my cru­ci­fied him­self?

–Man­hat­tan Restau­rant, Green­point

Over­heard by: chris

Dis­grun­tled Lati­na to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill your­self, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”

–4 Train

First-Come, First-Served Is a Pre­text for Dis­crim­i­na­tion!

[A woman cre­ates her own line and walks up to the counter.]Postal em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, you have to wait in line.
Lati­no woman: I was in the es­s­press line.
Postal em­ploy­ee: We don’t serve espres­so here ma’am, this is the post of­fice.
Lati­no woman: What? You think I’m stoopid? I have less than ten items.
Postal em­ploy­ee: There is no ex­press line at the post of­fice, please wait in line like the oth­er peo­ple.
Lati­no woman: Oh… I see how it is.
Postal em­ploy­ee: Hap­py hol­i­days, ma’am.
Lati­no woman: Fuck you too.

–Post Of­fice, 14th Street & Av­enue A

Over­heard by: tex­mor­gan