Archive for the ‘Laundromat’ Category

Birth­day One-Lin­ers

20-some­thing guy on cell: My girl­friend’s birth­day is to­mor­row. (pause) I don’t know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just want­ed to hook up with him be­cause we had the same birth­day.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast mem­ber (shout­ing over shoul­der): I turn 34 on Fri­day, I’m old but at least I made it past Je­sus.

–Ned­er­lan­der The­atre

Woman ar­gu­ing loud­ly with her moth­er in the laun­dro­mat: My 30th birth­day is gonna be ru­ined if we don’t go to the wax mu­se­um!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brook­lyn

Guy hand­ing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it’s free, it’s free! Oh, and hap­py birth­day to me to­day, thank you very much for re­mem­ber­ing it! Oh, what a love­ly day…

–42nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Eve

Some­times, Wednes­day Us­es One-Lin­ers As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what hap­pened is he lost his pinky be­cause of the fork­lift. But that’s not the point of this con­ver­sa­tion, let’s talk about me here.

–186th St & Ben­net Ave

Over­heard by: Ri­na

Girl: And she’s so awk­ward on crutch­es, it’s so an­noy­ing!

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that’s why he’s on crutch­es for the rest of sum­mer.

–Union Square

Moth­er to young son: Sweet­ie, don’t trip and bust your head open. I don’t have no duct tape to put it back to­geth­er.

–Laun­dro­mat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blue­ber­ry sales­man, as woman in crutch­es hob­bles past: You hop­pin’, but you ain’t stop­pin’!

–Green­mar­ket

Wednes­days Wet Their One-Lin­ers

Girl: So then I said “moth­er, I am 20 years old and you can­not tell me I can’t go to Wet ‘n Wild!”

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Quel­la

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toi­let is flood­ing! My Pay­less shoes are get­ting wet! My beau­ti­ful Pay­less shoes! All this wa­ter looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve Mc­Queen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Wom­en’s Re­stroom, Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Am­ber Star

Drunk girl to drunk­er friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vagi­nal wet­ness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laun­dro­mat: Why can’t you dry your un­der­wear? Is that be­cause they’re so used to be­ing wet when you’re wear­ing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Over­heard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

I’d Love To, Ba­by, but My Wednes­day One-Lin­er Won’t Let Me Date

Train con­duc­tor: East Broad­way, wel­come to Man­hat­tan. Es­pe­cial­ly you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Over­heard by: pene­lope

Pe­tite 30-some­thing wash­ing clothes: Oh, no! His wife’s gonna be there. I got­ta get some ra­zor blades.

–Laun­dry Mat, Broad­way & Bush­wick, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Matt

Mid­dle aged suit to an­oth­er: So the main prob­lem my girl­friend and I have is that I re­al­ly get along with my wife.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There’s just one thing I want peo­ple to say about my wife. Not that she’s pret­ty, or that she’s nice. I want them to say, “man, that nig­ga’s wife’s got a fat ass!”

–Grand Con­course

Cop to crowd: I sug­gest you use the oth­er cross­walk, it’s less con­gest­ed. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Man on cell: You don’t love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Am­i­na

Wednes­days Car­ry on Be­hind Their One-Lin­ers’ Backs

Guy on cell: You start dat­ing mar­ried women, you end up meet­ing their hus­bands.

–49th & 6th

Man on cell (guilt­less and dis­in­ter­est­ed): She said I cheat­ed, duh-duh-duh-duh.

–Church St & Bar­clay

Over­heard by: Robert J. An­der­son

Fe­male suit on cell: He cheat­ed on me on my 30th birth­day in Nan­tuck­et and I called my mom to tell her and she said, “Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He’s wealthy and he’s gor­geous. I don’t want to hear it.” But I want some­one to be über-at­tract­ed to me.

–19th & 8th

Over­heard by: Se­bas­t­ian White

Dude on cell: Hel­lo? (pause) I told you nev­er to call me on this num­ber. (pause) Be­cause I don’t want my wife to find out that we’re dat­ing.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Psue­do-gans­ta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife ex­cept then you got­ta buy them flow­ers and choco­late and shit. I’d rather spend mon­ey on my wife and be hap­py at home.

–N Train

Girl on cell, do­ing laun­dry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girl­friend and he does­n’t cheat on her…so I said, “Re­al­ly? Then what was your pe­nis just do­ing in my mouth?”

–Laun­dro­mat, 9th Ave & 53rd St

Over­heard by: tiny­foo

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thought Fe­lic­i­ty Huff­man De­served that Os­car

Skater kid: What’s the point of be­ing gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, be­tween 7th & 8th Ave

La­dy on phone: Yeah, she was work­ing at a fac­to­ry, but she was pass­ing as a man… Well, she did­n’t last a week at the fac­to­ry.

–Bus in Lin­coln Tun­nel

TA: We live in a two-gen­der sys­tem of so­ci­ety. There’s no green ‘It’s a her­maph­ro­dite!’ bal­loon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For re­al. I’m sick of be­ing like, ‘That guy is skin­nier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has bet­ter make­up.’

–26th St

Over­heard by: agrees with that girl

Col­lege stu­dent on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broad­way

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were lit­tle, but now it’s time to dif­fer­en­ti­ate.

–Tar­get, At­lantic Ave, Brook­lyn

Wednes­day One-lin­ers are Fam­i­ly Val­ues

Alt girl: So his sec­ond cousin is al­so his dad. That’s fuck­ing mashed up.

–Times Square

Teen girl: You sure it’s his, right? He did­n’t take his cock out or nuthin’?

–Laun­dry room, 108th & 2nd

Over­heard by: CK Allen

Chick: Yeah, so I’ve been mak­ing out with my step­cousin late­ly.

–Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Kam Truhn