Archive for the ‘Lawyers’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it.

–Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx

Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini!

–F train

Overheard by: braincurve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem.

–Madison Square Park

Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now.

–Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Overheard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!

–19th & 6th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

…Douchebag.

Judge, at conclusion of trial: Well, I must say I was very impressed with the quality of the attorneys for both sides. It's extremely unusual and refreshing to see attorneys acting like lawyers.
Attorney: I would suggest, your honor, that it would be more accurate to say that it is unusual and refreshing to see attorneys not acting like lawyers.
Judge: Point well taken.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry