Girl #1: What did you do last night?
Girl #2: Wandered around Goldman Sachs with a Sesame Street pillow. You?
Girl #1: Um…
–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Archive for the ‘Leisure’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth
Bland middle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You’ll go home and people will ask: “So what did you do on holiday?” You’ll reply: “Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!”
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could really use a blowjob right now.” She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn’t make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
Girl Talk Has Even Fewer Girls Than Barenaked Ladies
Middle aged guy: I keep getting injured at concerts.
Friend: You do?
Middle aged guy: Yeah, like, when I fell off the stage at Girl Talk… Well, more like I got pushed.
–E Houston & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: BenRC
They’re Using Condoms — They’re Suffering Enough
Chick: Hey, I know what will make you feel better.
Sad girl: What’s that?
Chick: Want to go through the dorms and poke holes in all of the free condoms?
Sad girl: Ehhh.
–NYU
So Stop Whining and Come Along to Starbucks
Little tourist kid: Daddy, I want to go ice skating!
Tourist dad: I swear to god, you can go ice skating back in El Paso!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: liag
Every Cloud Has a Silving In-Lining
NYU chica: It’s like, I don’t really like my classes, and I don’t really like the city, but I really love–
NYU chico, simultaneously with chica: –Rollerblading.
–NYU Silver Center
…And, Frankly, You’re Lucky I’m Even Talking to You.
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I’ll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you’ll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
Sometimes the People at Serta Let Me Crash in Their Showroom
Barely legal girl: Can we do brunch tomorrow?
Guy: Sure.
Barely legal girl: Good. I like having Saturday plans. I get sad on weekends if I don’t wake up in someone else’s bed or have plans.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Bar Keep
Or at Least Send Smoke Signals Across the Border
Student #1: Yeah, but for Christmas break I’m gonna be in South Carolina.
Student #2: Really? I’m gonna be in North Carolina! Maybe we’ll run into each other!
–Classroom, NYU
His Fraternity Awarded Him Full Workman’s Comp
Attorney: Are there any activities you were able to do prior to the accident that you can no longer do?
Witness: [Inaudible, then] Pong.
Attorney: I’m sorry, did you say, ‘beer pong’?
–Midtown law firm
Overheard by: Amused intern
