Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category

Oma­gah, It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Gay man with a com­plete­ly se­ri­ous tone: It is go­ing to take a lot of brown­ie mix and a lot of sex ‑but I am com­mit­ted.

–W 52nd & 9th

Over­heard by: I wish I knew what they were speak­ing about

Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I got­ta go. I have a meet­ing in a lit­tle bit and I want to mas­tur­bate first.

–Wag­n­er Col­lege Din­ning Hall

Queer: Any­one can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an ex­it.

–Christo­pher Street

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Queer: And then I was so glad I mis­car­ried be­cause get­ting knocked up and be­ing preg­nant is like, such a has­sle!

–Sarah Lawrence Col­lege

Over­heard by: bit­ter­fame

Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out be­cause a cou­ple of bitchy fags sprayed you with al­co­hol?

–23rd & 7th

Black queer: My pil­low is Guc­ci! Raaaaaah! [He be­ings to at­tack peo­ple with said Guc­ci pil­low.]

–Pil­low Fight, Union Square

Over­heard by: Lil­lian

Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was re­al­ly great meet­ing you all. You are such an in­ter­est­ing group of peo­ple. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!

–Hol­ly­wood Din­er, 17th St & 6th Ave

This Time We’ll Watch Soft­ball and Drink Beer

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]Girl #1: Thanks for bring­ing me here, I love you. I am so glad I be­came a les­bian, if I was­n’t I would­n’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apart­ment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we go­ing to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, ba­by.

–M&M Store, Times Square

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The Mu­si­cal

Girl to class: I love clas­si­cal mu­sic! I lis­ten to the Bam­bi sound­track all the time!

–Cur­tis High School, Stat­en Is­land

Guy in lob­by, at in­ter­mis­sion: Hands down, the best band I’ve ever seen in con­cert… Hootie and the Blow­fish.

–Jazz at Lin­coln Cen­ter

Guy on cell: I guess they’re mu­si­cians. They put bitch­es ahead of prac­tice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Over­heard by: Queixa

Gay man to an­oth­er, walk­ing out of a bank: I mean, if you lis­ten to like, one Sade song every six years, it’s okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Les­bian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and lis­ten to Melis­sa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Ka­teri

Straight girl with a seat at the pi­ano: No, I’ve nev­er been here be­fore, but I’m ac­tu­al­ly hav­ing a good time. I mean, I don’t know most of these songs, but ear­li­er he was play­ing The Sound of Mu­sic, and I was rock­ing out to that.

–Marie’s Cri­sis Pi­ano Bar

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Crazy old cat la­dy to guy who just shut off ob­nox­ious­ly loud mu­sic in next lane: Why’d you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Park­way & North­ern Boule­vard

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Go­ing Any­where

Woman: And you are not a les­bian ei­ther! You are on­ly gay on week­ends.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Adam Bozarth

Teen girl: I know Jim­my’s not gay be­cause he stole my girl­friend.

–R train

Preach­er: Mark my words–by sun­rise you will be smoth­ered in les­bians.

–53rd & 5th

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Thought­ful guy: I al­ways thought that if I were gay I’d be the man­li­er one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.

–26th & 1st

Over­heard by: Charles

Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gay­er than three snaps in Z for­ma­tion in here.

–The Hangar, Christo­pher St

Over­heard by: TK

Mid­west­ern guy: That is com­plete bull­shit! How do you make a dog gay?

–Cen­tu­ry 21

Teen girl: It’s fun­ny talk­ing to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.

–Up­town 1 train