Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The Mu­si­cal

Girl to class: I love clas­si­cal mu­sic! I lis­ten to the Bam­bi sound­track all the time!

–Cur­tis High School, Stat­en Is­land

Guy in lob­by, at in­ter­mis­sion: Hands down, the best band I’ve ever seen in con­cert… Hootie and the Blow­fish.

–Jazz at Lin­coln Cen­ter

Guy on cell: I guess they’re mu­si­cians. They put bitch­es ahead of prac­tice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Over­heard by: Queixa

Gay man to an­oth­er, walk­ing out of a bank: I mean, if you lis­ten to like, one Sade song every six years, it’s okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Les­bian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and lis­ten to Melis­sa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Ka­teri

Straight girl with a seat at the pi­ano: No, I’ve nev­er been here be­fore, but I’m ac­tu­al­ly hav­ing a good time. I mean, I don’t know most of these songs, but ear­li­er he was play­ing The Sound of Mu­sic, and I was rock­ing out to that.

–Marie’s Cri­sis Pi­ano Bar

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Crazy old cat la­dy to guy who just shut off ob­nox­ious­ly loud mu­sic in next lane: Why’d you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Park­way & North­ern Boule­vard

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Go­ing Any­where

Woman: And you are not a les­bian ei­ther! You are on­ly gay on week­ends.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Adam Bozarth

Teen girl: I know Jim­my’s not gay be­cause he stole my girl­friend.

–R train

Preach­er: Mark my words–by sun­rise you will be smoth­ered in les­bians.

–53rd & 5th

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Thought­ful guy: I al­ways thought that if I were gay I’d be the man­li­er one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.

–26th & 1st

Over­heard by: Charles

Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gay­er than three snaps in Z for­ma­tion in here.

–The Hangar, Christo­pher St

Over­heard by: TK

Mid­west­ern guy: That is com­plete bull­shit! How do you make a dog gay?

–Cen­tu­ry 21

Teen girl: It’s fun­ny talk­ing to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.

–Up­town 1 train

Do You Take This Wednes­day to Be Your Law­ful­ly Wed­ded One-Lin­er?

Grad stu­dent: Trans­la­tion: Will you mar­ry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dude: … My wed­ding [mum­ble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m go­ing to need a tear-away tuxe­do.

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jo

Chick to an­oth­er: Yeah, he’s the one who would­n’t mar­ry her be­cause she was too pale.

–Star­bucks

Blonde: … And I’m re­al­ly not sure, be­cause he said he should­n’t un­less we are mar­ried, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just con­fess his sins or some­thing like that…

–Broad­way & Prince

Over­heard by: Dan

Les­bian to group: So, what is the rea­son be­hind get­ting mar­ried, be­sides pre­tend­ing to be het­ero­sex­u­al? Ex­act­ly — presents!

–Par­ty, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Jude

As Good a Jew As You Are a Bap­tist, Sweet­ie

Ghet­to black les­bian: Look, you are Time Mag­a­zine’s Per­son of the Year.
Jew­ish les­bian: That is so lame.
Ghet­to black les­bian, pick­ing up a card in­stead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does any­body know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jew­ish les­bian: You are ask­ing the wrong Jew.
Ghet­to black les­bian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Du­ane Reade, Broad­way & Reade

Over­heard by: Just try­ing to buy some cards

The Pro­to­cols of the El­ders of Les­bos

Les­bian chick #1: …so that’s why I’m in fa­vor of putting birth con­trol in the wa­ter.
Les­bian chick #2: How does that work?
Les­bian chick #1: What do you mean? You just put it in the wa­ter.
Les­bian chick #2: But what if they don’t go in the wa­ter?
Les­bian chick #1: …no, the drink­ing wa­ter.
Les­bian chick #2: Oh. That makes more sense. Sor­ry, I don’t know how those straight peo­ple do these things.

–F train

May/December Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Girl: Man, this old dyke is dig­ging on me, but I want some pe­nis
these days.

–3rd be­tween B & C

Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick suck­ing ex­pe­ri­ence.

–124th & Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: Ja­son Stein­hauer

Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chas­ing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Squat­por­poise

Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sun­day? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.

–NYU School of so­cial work

Over­heard by: Mag­gie