Archive for the ‘Liars’ Category

Cut Your Loss­es and Run!

Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street — I went out with him last Sat­ur­day! We made plans for this week­end, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Is­land ’cause his grand­moth­er was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clear­ly, he was ly­ing.
Girl: No shit. C’­mon, let’s cross the street.

They cross the street.

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is fun­ny.
Alex: Oh… Jen­ny*… Hi… What are you do­ing here?

In­tro­duc­tions are made all around.

Jen­ny: So, how’s your grand­moth­er? I take it you saw her this week­end?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grand­moth­er? You saw her two week­ends in a row? You are quite the de­vot­ed grand­son.
Jen­ny’s guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.

–Low­er East Side

What Good Is Mon­ey If It Can’t In­su­late Me from Oth­er Peo­ple?

Hobo: I have not eat­en any­thing in three days and it’s freez­ing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you mon­ey, but I will go in­to that deli and buy you din­ner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jew­ish and if you don’t mind, I would re­al­ly like a kosher sand­wich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, for­get it — here’s five bucks!

–34th & Park

The Speed of In­for­ma­tion Through Fat Is Dras­ti­cal­ly Re­duced

Hobo, car­ry­ing huge duf­fel bag: I need mon­ey to get to Boston to vis­it my son. Can any­one give me mon­ey?
La­dy: Here’s 20 dol­lars for your tick­et. Al­so, do you think you could run up­stairs and get me a Snap­ple?
Hobo: Sure, la­dy. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditch­es duf­fel bag.

La­dy, 20 min­utes lat­er: Well, I guess he’s not com­ing back!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: cyn­ic

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Refuse A Poly­graph

Guy: Yeah, and he lied to me about dy­ing, too!

–Bed­ford Ave, Brook­lyn

Girl: So what is your name go­ing to be tonight?

–6th Ave & 57th St

Queer on cell: She tried to tell me that I was fat­ter than him — that mutha­fuc­ka is the worst liar in the world!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: She was prob­a­bly right…

Guy: I just told her, ‘Keep on fakin’ those or­gasms!’

–7th Ave & 32nd St

Suit on cell in Mc­Don­ald’s: Yeah, well, I’m in Con­necti­cut right now…

–As­to­ria, Queens

Over­heard by: Blaine

Con­duc­tor: There’s an­oth­er lo­cal train di­rect­ly be­hind this one. I would nev­er lie to you.

–W train to As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Mis­sPinkKate

Man ex­it­ing taxi: If any­one asks, we walked!

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Kyle