Archive for the ‘Library’ Category

One-Lin­ers Are All Wednes­day Can Af­ford

11-year-old girl: Yo mam­ma’s broke cuz she spend all her mon­ey on rhine­stones and cig­a­rttes!

–River­side Branch Li­brary

Over­heard by: al­ways lis­ten­ing

Po­lite la­dy: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don’t wor­ry, they’re mixed income–and you’ll see it when you come out on A.

–1st Ave & 5th St.

Over­heard by: Mrqs

Old la­dy wait­ing for the bath­room: How long do peo­ple stay in toi­lets? Je­sus! It’s a pub­lic toi­let! There are all these peo­ple from the streets that come in, and they al­ways pee on the floor. Well, that’s what hap­pens when you’re poor.

–NY Pub­lic Li­brary

Over­heard by: Av­ery

Home­girl to friend: So she was like “oh, my name’s Di­a­mond. And this is my sis­ter, her name’s Ru­by. Our dad­dy named us af­ter stuff he can’t af­ford.” I was like, shit, if that was the case, my dad­dy woul­da call us “lights” and “gas.”

–Prospect Park

Nerdish teen: What the hell was a war­lock do­ing in a dun­geon when he had no mon­ey?

–C Train

Over­heard by: An­drew

No Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in the Cham­pagne Room

Soc­cer mom: In two weeks, my knit­ting cir­cle’s go­ing to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to be­come a strip­per so that I can see Pat­ti LuPone in Gyp­sy every night.

–St. James The­atre

Over­heard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Lis­ten to the open­ing gui­tar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a strip­per!

–Bob­st Li­brary

Over­heard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to par­ents: Oohh! Zom­bie strip­pers! Let’s see that!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

In the Name Of the Fa­ther, the Son, and the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hus­band push­ing car­riage to wife: You’re lucky I’m on my way to church right now, or I’d kill you.

–Up­per West Side

Chick on cell: But the re­al ques­tion is, is he Catholic? And an in­som­ni­ac?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Se­quined Aus­tralian drag queen: Well, I know an An­tichrist re­li­gion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Al­isha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was lit­tle, but like I don’t be­lieve him.

–But­ler Li­brary, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Train con­duc­tor: 110th Street, Cathe­dral Park­way. There are church­es here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, af­ter get­ting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I got­ta get over there be­fore she’s got to go to church.

–Q Train

Over­heard by: spy­girl