Archive for the ‘Library’ Category

In the Name Of the Fa­ther, the Son, and the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hus­band push­ing car­riage to wife: You’re lucky I’m on my way to church right now, or I’d kill you.

–Up­per West Side

Chick on cell: But the re­al ques­tion is, is he Catholic? And an in­som­ni­ac?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Se­quined Aus­tralian drag queen: Well, I know an An­tichrist re­li­gion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Al­isha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was lit­tle, but like I don’t be­lieve him.

–But­ler Li­brary, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Train con­duc­tor: 110th Street, Cathe­dral Park­way. There are church­es here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, af­ter get­ting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I got­ta get over there be­fore she’s got to go to church.

–Q Train

Over­heard by: spy­girl

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Suf­fer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nan­ny: No, princess­es don’t get tick­led. They just dance and get mar­ried.

–North Williams­burg

Over­heard by: an­ti-fem­i­nist

White girl in hood­ie: If I see any of the oth­er girls there want to dance with you they’d bet­ter watch out, ’cause it’s stab-a-slut Sun­day.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, “wan­na dance?” and I was like “okay,” so she start­ed danc­ing mad good. She was grind­ing up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brook­lyn

Gay guy on cell in long line dur­ing Cir­cuit City close­out: Does it have speak­ers? Be­cause I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the mu­sic. It’s re­al­ly cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Cir­cuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Gui­do she knocked heads with while danc­ing: I’m a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Lad­der Pub, Mur­ray Hill

Over­heard by: al­so a drinker

Pro­fes­sor: I’m of the per­son­al opin­ion that any­thing counts for art. Take, for ex­am­ple, Nel­ly’s “Hot in Here.” We have an ad­mo­ni­tion of cer­tain weath­er con­di­tions and an en­treaty for cer­tain mem­bers of a de­mo­graph­ic to re­act with­in a cer­tain way, and a com­pli­ant voice replies, “I am get­ting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off.” This piece of art demon­strates how much eas­i­er life would be if get­ting a woman naked was that easy. And al­so, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don’t lie.

–NYU Bob­st Li­brary

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Some­times, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Tough to Swal­low

Girl on cell: Five hours lat­er, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Over­heard by: ques­tion­ing the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5′8″, I mean…it’s like not tall…but like not short. (four min­utes lat­er, scream­ing) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (lat­er) They should’ve jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

One of four mid­dle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to nev­er swal­low the cum, spit the cum out.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenag­er: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broad­way

20-some­thing girl on cell: Oh, you can’t car­ry the mi­cro­scope with you? Well, if you come here we’ll have to for­go the sperm. If I come to vis­it you, then we can work it in­to the sched­ule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Over­heard by: Em­ma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you’re jizzing?!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: IWas­Won­der­ingTh­at­Too

Stu­dent, slam­ming re­pro­duc­tive bi­ol­o­gy book shut: Sperm! It’s every­where!

–Bob­st Li­brary

Over­heard by: ttny