Archive for the ‘Licking’ Category

Lucky Bas­tards

Chick #1: Just like that, for no rea­son?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: That’s so weird! Usu­al­ly when a guy licks you, there’s some kind of con­text.
Chick #2: What about that time a hobo licked me? That was­n’t in con­text.
Chick #1: Yeah, but ho­bos don’t need con­text.

–23rd & Lex

Over­heard by: Lar­ry

If Every­body You Meet Is a Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Check the Mir­ror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Er­ic’s an ass­hole, but he’s like… my ass­hole.

–11th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Z

Man on cell: I en­joy suck­ing the wind out of ass­holes.

–Brook­lyn Pub­lic House

Over­heard by: In fair­ness, the con­ver­sa­tion was about ver­bal bul­lies

Girl: Wow, my ass­hole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four dif­fer­ent bath­rooms on this floor and the one up, so I would­n’t suf­fer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Of­fice, Mid­town

Loud dude: My ass­hole is re­al­ly fuck­ing itchy!

–Bronx High School of Sci­ence

Over­heard by: ur­banad­ven­tur­er

Crazy hobo: At­ten­tion every­one! You’re all ass­holes! Stu­pid ass­holes!!

–Park Row, near Brook­lyn Bridge

Over­heard by: Hol­lis­ter

The End Of West­ern Civ­i­liza­tion: An OINY Short Sto­ry.

Lawyer #1: I saw this fun­ny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “re­tards” and there was this one called “re­tard­ed Brit­ney Spears fan.” It was a re­tard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two sec­onds of it be­fore I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “ex­treme pain”? I could on­ly watch about five sec­onds of it. A guy was cut­ting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That’s some sick shit. How’s your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her be­tween the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eat­ing pussy.” You’ll get a mil­lion hits!

–Civ­il Court, 141 Liv­ingston St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

“It’s Not You. It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Scream­ing, sob­bing mid­dle-aged woman to man: Why are you do­ing this to me? Why are you do­ing this to me? We made beau­ti­ful love last night! Why are you do­ing this to me?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

An­gry woman on cell: You don’t feed me, fuck me, or ful­fill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I’m go­ing to fuck­ing dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No won­der he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Teen girl on cell: Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me? You’re break­ing up with me be­cause I did­n’t let you lick choco­late off my coochie? That shit’s fucked up!

–Bloom­ing­dale’s

I’m Start­ing to Care That the Girl Has an Or­gasm

Girl #1: So wait… You have trou­ble or­gas­ming?
Girl #2: Yes! It’s like im­pos­si­ble for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fin­ger­ing and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hang­ing in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hang­ing out with more guys.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Wednes­day Fun­bag-Lin­ers

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Does­n’t she know that the “hav­ing big boobs” thing is, like, not in any­more?

–86th St

Over­heard by: Kevin

Girl to an­oth­er: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Over­heard by: Er­ic

20-some­thing guy, singing: I wan­na touch some boobs. I wan­na touch some boobs. I wan­na touch some boobs. I wan­na find my moth­er­fuck­ing sock, ’cause I don’t know where it is. I wan­na touch some boobs…

–Pratt In­sti­tute

An­gry hobo to col­lege chick with big boobs zip­ping up her jack­et: Don’t put them tit­ties away!

–5th & 21st

El­der­ly woman to hus­band: I keep my busi­ness in my bo­som!

–Carnegie Deli

There’s Noth­ing Like a Stat­en Is­land Ba­nana Split

Man #1: So I’m lookin down there, and I see my girl­friend tug­ging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was mas­tur­bat­ing with a ba­nana, and she squashed it and it ex­plod­ed in­side of her! Ha­ha!
Man #2: That’s com­plete­ly dis­gust­ing, your girl­friend is a freak and you should re­con­sid­er lick­ing her butt, like you said you do for her.

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: TOOBx­SOCKS