Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K

It De­pends on Whether She Swal­lows

Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a mes­sage that says “Sweet dreams, gor­geous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Is­n’t that what they say to Mafioso girl­friends be­fore they slit their throats and throw them in the East Riv­er?

–Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: djlindee

Yup­pie #1: …and it’s not just be­cause she’s a chick.
Yup­pie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yup­pie #1: To­tal­ly! And it’s not be­cause I re­al­ly like to work, be­cause I don’t.
Yup­pie #2: To­tal­ly!

–Dock­’s Oys­ter Bar, 40th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

When He Drinks, the Hu­man Torch Be­haves Bad­ly

Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bob­by Flamer.
Girl: Ha­ha, there’s no way your last name is re­al­ly Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, se­ri­ous­ly, look at my ID.
Girl, look­ing at ID: This says your name is Er­ic Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.

–Bar None, 3rd Ave be­tween 12th & 13th

Over­heard by: Zak San­tuc­ci

Jim Gaffi­gan: The Hor­ror!

Loud woman: You said you’d had Hot Pock­ets!
Qui­et woman: No, I…
Loud woman, in­ter­rupt­ing: Yes, you did! You told me you had had Hot Pock­ets!
Qui­et woman: I haven’t had Hot Pock­ets in weeks. Not since Evan*‘s par­ents were in town.
Loud woman: You told me you did just days ago! You lie! Li-ar!
Qui­et woman: No, I said the rea­son I had cake for break­fast is that I *ran out* of Hot Pock­ets!

–6th St & Ave A

Over­heard by: Rose Fox