Teen boy #1: Change your ringtone! Change it! [Slams table.]Teen boy #2: Don’t you like that song? I love it.
Teen boy #1, to others: His phone rings all day — I’m sick of it. I have to have a new song. He gets that many calls, he should have one song for each girl so I’m entertained!
–Little Italy
A blonde, cherubic-looking little girl of about two, clad in only a diaper, is smearing feces all over her chest. Two young women look on helplessly, clutching napkins.
Young woman: I wish we had a sprinkler.
–Lafayette & Prince
Overheard by: elise n
Cabbie: So, uh, you hear about the double team? The, uh, Democrats?
Passenger: Oh, so Democrats got the Senate, too?
Cabbie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch penis!
–Northbound 1st Ave from Delancey
Overheard by: dumbstruck passengers
Well-dressed girl #1: You know what?
Well-dressed girl #2: What?
Well-dressed girl #1: Throwing up at work really isn’t as bad as it seems.
–Prince Street between Lafayette & Mulberry
Waif #1: Ugh. I feel so fat…I feel so gross. I’m not going to fit into any of my summer clothes…I’ve been trying to be so good, going to the gym everyday and everything.
Waif #2: You’re not fat.
Waif #1: Yes I am. You can only say that because you’re thin…I ate a salad today for lunch. But then I just ate all of these sweet thingamajiggies.
–W train
Overheard by: Nora S.
Columbia chick on cell: …I mean, like, yesterday I totally pigged out on salad.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Sailor: It was your idea.
Lady friend: You think I should dress like a man?
–Little Italy
Boyfriend: It’s called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We’re fucking Italian!
–Mulberry St, Little Italy
20-something woman to man: You’ve never been arrested? I have never met anyone that has not been arrested!
–Le Charlot Restaurant, Upper East Side
Angry guy on cell: If you ever send e‑mail to my family again, I will wait outside your apartment door! (pause) I got arrested! I spent Thanksgiving in jail!
–11th & University
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Man in US Correctional Services jacket to another looking around hectically in a large crowd: Make sure we don’t lose him!
–Penn Station
Chubby well-dressed black dude to skinny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul!
–F Train
Overheard by: MissMae
Guy on cell: Yeah man, she’s like a young girl, and she’s driving me nuts. It’s like always a fight with her. I mean, she’s so young, yo… But yeah, I mean, she’s a sweetheart. I mean, she’s a good girl. So young. Like, we’ve been together for 7 months and that ain’t nothing to me, but to her it’s a big deal. And I’m all like, shit, I’ve been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don’t know what she’s bitching about. I don’t need her to make me miserable. I can make myself miserable.
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Meaghan
Fran Drescher sound-alike: What’s wrong with you? Don’t applaud, I’m going to jail!
–Eight Mile Creek, Mullberry Street
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Middle-aged rocker chick: I think ex-cons are sexy.
Older rocker dude: Yeah, I got arrested once in Germany for child pornography.
–Pasta shop, Mott St
Girl: Hang on… (bends over to tie shoe in middle of crowd)
Appalled mother: Don’t do that! This is New York. You could get pregnant!
–Mulberry & Hester, Little Italy
Overheard by: Mark
Guy #1: Isn’t that festival around here somewhere?
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s down that way. What do they call it?
Guy #1: Cinco DiMaggio.
–Mott & Spring
Overheard by: Cryptonomic B
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist