Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Laina and Nathan (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I on­ly did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You men­tioned whether I wrote to Bar­ry about that girl from Cana­da out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You vi­o­lat­ed me. I’d nev­er do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me af­ter yo­ga class–”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not fun­ny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: Jan­u­ary. What is that? You want to screw oth­er peo­ple? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down on­to my chest. I will have to re­pay you soon.”
Man: I did­n’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks lat­er you went with me and my fam­i­ly to the Vine­yard.
Man: You have every right to be up­set. It was once, hon­ey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with some­one you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I did­n’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick!

–Cafe Pick Me Up, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Gideon Wal­lace

Amer­i­ca Runs on Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Thug: I love you be­cause when I’m with you I feel like I’m Barack Oba­ma and you’re Hillary Clin­ton.

–N Train

All-black-wear­ing chick with cig­a­rette: Do you ever find your­self think­ing re­al­ly con­ser­v­a­tive thoughts by ac­ci­dent?

–Out­side In­ter­na­tion­al Af­fairs Build­ing, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Sub­way crazy: Rip Torn for pres­i­dent! Den­ny McLain for Sec­re­tary of State!

–Up­town 6 Train

Girl with ba­by in her arms: You know, he taped an Oba­ma poster on his door and I was like, “Oh no, you did­n’t put that up.” ’cause he don’t know noth­ing about pol­i­tics. Hell, he a felon…he can’t even vote.

–East Vil­lage Ur­ban Out­fit­ters

Five-year-old boy point­ing at a side­walk mur­al of Hillary and Oba­ma: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been go­ing down­hill since the Wil­son ad­min­is­tra­tion.

–70th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: De­vot­ed Pup­py

Ra­pun­zel, Ra­pun­zel, Let Down Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to friend: I can’t be­lieve you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Cham­bers

Three-year-old boy to an­oth­er: I like you but I don’t like your ba­by be­cause your ba­by grabbed my hair.

–Cen­tral Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I’m so glad this is all work­ing out. (gets up and sees her re­flec­tion) Fuck! Why did­n’t you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Over­heard by: It DID

Black woman to in­fant held by her moth­er: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain’t my hair, I could re­al­ly use yours.

–Harlem Polling Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Joe

Girl yelling in­to cell: He’s not even hairy!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each oth­er, but he’s too beard­ed.

–113th St

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred