Archive for the ‘Lower East Side’ Category

Got any Doritos?

Barista girl: Here’s your cappuccino.
Customer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cappuccino.’
Costumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m probably just out of it.
Barista girl to coworker: I’m sorry, I’m high.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: Aryn

It Doesn’t Listen to Him Anymore

Guy: Haven’t seen you in a while.
Barber: Yeah, I was having a problem with my tonsils. I was sick
for about 3 weeks.
Guy: You gonna have them out?
Barber: Probably. I should, but I’m chicken. But I probably gotta.
Guy: I got this friend who went to the doctor, right? And the doctor said he hadda go get a colonoscopy. You shoulda seen his face! He didn’t go.
Barber: You gotta do it, though, before things get worse.
Guy: Yeah, I think his colon did get worse.

–Manhattan Unisex, Allen Street

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

Cut Your Losses and Run!

Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street — I went out with him last Saturday! We made plans for this weekend, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Island ’cause his grandmother was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clearly, he was lying.
Girl: No shit. C’mon, let’s cross the street.

They cross the street.

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is funny.
Alex: Oh… Jenny*… Hi… What are you doing here?

Introductions are made all around.

Jenny: So, how’s your grandmother? I take it you saw her this weekend?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grandmother? You saw her two weekends in a row? You are quite the devoted grandson.
Jenny’s guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.

–Lower East Side

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